Mature?

I rarely wanna talk about this issue
just because
I know that
most of the time
I am more mature than most of my peers
Most of the seniors said this is a good thing for me
but
I still think like I would have more
or gain more, or even learn more
if I am not that mature

That's my previous thought
Now, I do not think so much
I am blessed as I have such wisdom
to proceed with my life.
I understand that some portion of my maturity
is gained by by obstacles that I was facing
along the days
till now

Is that true?
If it is,
Can I opt to be not that mature?
Then I might not be facing so much of obstacles in my life
Right?

Still
I am blessed on what I am now
I can just say thanks

Separation~

I did this late,
cause last night I was emotionally unstable.

I found out something very important to me
I am now
could able to back to my normal self
doing the daily responsibilities well
and
at the same time
I am able to go back into my grief
on my sister
without affecting my daily life
MEANS
I am able to separate the two self
and
understand the two self very well
as well as knowing the importance to have both of them

I am a step more out of that right?

Yesterday,
I got the news that one of my friend is very sad
reason is
He was being cheated and lost an amount of money
from his saving.
I could rarely understand the sadness he is going through
but the other friend told me this is the first time
the friend has such emotion
ever since knowing him

I could say nothing that time
but I feel like
he is pretty lucky than my case
I do not bother anymore if I lost my money
or something I can find back
but I could never afford to lost
something that could never return once I lost it
like,
LIFE, FAMILY, FRIENDSHIP, TIME, HEALTH, DREAMS

I am now treasure these things in my life very much
I am different now
Compared to the previous me.

Sense of secure~

Yesterday one friend of mine
Who I take him as my little brother
Asked me how a girl would have sense of secure
What he can do to let a girl to feel so?

Honestly, when he asked me this question,
I really run out of idea how should I answer this.
This is because he no need to do anything
But I have already feel the sense upon his presence

I told him
This is very subjective
Every person would have different ways to define this

As for me
When a person entered my comfort zone
Means that person can already give me such feeling
And yet
I'll have great trust with this person

Friends!!!!

I was touched
really touched today
when I voice out
I do not know how to do my homework
one of my friend said
"DON"T WORRY, come, we do together!"
Then, he show me the steps one by one
In return
I can only say thanks to him

Think of something out of sudden
I wanna do something to help those who need
rather to stay at this spot
wondering around
and do nothing

I want to enlighten those who are younger than me
help those who in need
cares who are lost
respect and listen to those seniors
do what I can do for the society

so great to have so many caring friends around
As like yesterday
once I opened my mouth requesting for group study
everyone just agree on me
and working out on the time to meet

and
today
sharing some experiences with my brother
along the sharing
I found that
I can find back my self
which I've lost it since the incident

Meanwhile,
I feel blessed
as I have such tough experience
to make me stronger
to shape me into a better self

I'll be better soon!

Courage~

Today I realized something that really upset me
I am not only have no guts to proceed with my life
YET, I am finding lots of excuses on that

NO DOUBT, I am a coward now.

Why do I keep on doing this?
I am sad I could not try my best
I am still hiding behind
behind all people's eyes
to the extend that
I do not even want to get out of my house

Exam is coming
I find my self some very lame excuses
to avoid from facing it as what I shall do

I am bad,
Don't me?

Come on!
Wake up!

Sir, you are right!
I really need somebody to kick my ass
I am worthless to have people sympathy

I wanna believe I can!
When my heart open totally to The Secret
I will be on my way to transform

Remind me
& warn me on my silliness

Thanks

I feel bad after all...
I do realized I am selfish,
ignorant,
never wanna wake up,
begging for those that I do not need...

So sorry
sorry to my parents,
siblings, friends,
and also my lecturers.

I am abusing your love and cares
I do not know the right way to appreciate it
I just begging for more
and yet,
I am doing something wrongly

I do not dare to say "I wish" now
ever since I talked to one person that I am respecting
Telling me that
I need to say "I will"
"I will soon get out of it."
"I will only remember those good things."
"I will be fine."
"I will be happy."

Last night, I went for a movie.
The main character inside was so desperate to succeed
until the extend that she'd transform to another character
She did achieve what she wanted
but yet, she lost everything including her life
at the end of the story

No doubt,
I'm in fear now.
Something was flashing in my mind when I watch that movie.
What if the same situation happens on me?
How will it be?
The fear is conquering me
until I couldn't breath, and think.

Looked back on the photo I took last night,
I saw something very terrified.
In the photo,
I am not me anymore.
She is a girl with huge eye bags
with the stiff smile...

I want to CHANGE!
I do not want to be like her!
I do not want to trouble anyone!
I want to appreciate everyone by my side!
I want to proof them that their efforts are worthwhile!
I want to proof them that I can find back my real self soon in the future!

Thank you for being by my side~

That Self~

Today is kind a special day for me
on what I've gone through
What I've seen
What I've heard
What I've done
What I've learned
What I've suffered
What I've hesitating

morning after wake up
rush out of home within 20 minutes
suffering for menstrual pain for whole day
panicking for an event
listen what the speakers told me
which got in deep inside my mind,
listen to my most respected lecturer's advice
enjoy movie with my friends
......

I know that
I am going to have a new chapter soon
I am going to be happy very soon
I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!
I am who I am
I want to be what I want to be
as one of the speaker told us
I will follow the advice
"Do not look back,look forward!"

I'll be happy
I am glad you are by my side
I am blessed to have you to go along
I am the luckiest person to know all this
Thank you!

The Brand New Chapter in my life~

THE IMAGE: HOPE

It has been a long time I stop writing myself something
Something could slow down my pace
Let me think of what I've did
What I done wrongly
What I done well
What I want
What I need to chase...

I would frankly say that
this entire year that I lost myself
by those hectic life
made me lost the most precious thing in my life
Meanwhile,
I am blessed that
my family and friends still by my side
supporting me whenever I need

Yesterday, a friend remind me
no matter how tough is the situation
we can't let go our passion
he called me to make myself a project
to collect a photo each and every day
after a year
it will be a precious thing I can refer back.

today, I talked to one of my trusted friend
She inspired me
to find back myself
n hence
I think of combining the album
with my everyday's journey
to let the future me
to look back
How I am walking out of it
day by day
bit by bit

I believe from now on
I'll be getting stronger and better
I'll never give up
Never give up in any hope
even those yet to achieve dreams
I'll soon find back my passion

THANKS FOR BEING BY MY SIDE!