Again, a week.

I

definitely know what I am doing

and know all consequences on what I am doing.

I purposely abandon this blog for a week

and observe my own condition.

The conclusion is

I really need to come here every night

to do some reflections.

I need reflections to be a better one.

I'd learn 3 important phrases today in Social Gerontology class

Bereavement, Mourning and Grief.

I was having a very strong feeling when

the lecturer touch about the topic of death.

I thought of her,

I miss her

and feel that she has not leaving yet,

though I am consciously knowing that she is not here anymore.

I've learned something very important within this week.

The Art of REJECTING

and applied it on a situation.

I thought that when I reject a person

my instinct tells me that

my conscience and principles along my life journey

will make me feel guilt.

However,

I could finally realized that

the rejection was not really hurt me much,

meanwhile

it reduces the tension in my heart.

It's cool when you get to understand this.

Hmmm....

I went to my best friend birthday party on Saturday night.

I told you that I can hardly go out from the door
and socialized with people right?

Here is an exception,

I went there just because of my best friend.

Seriously,

I did not know I would have such feeling in return.

I enjoyed it so much!

I guess just because the whole gang

able to take care of each other so much.

so nice and unforgettable.

Looking forward to the next one~

Beside reflections,

I need to ponder deeply

about the issue of time management.

Within this week,

I come out my own philosophy that

Success people will be well control of their time,

while those who are being controlled by the time are the other way round.

I used to be a person who managed my time well

but, now I really feel like a loser

as I could not take charge of my time.

I know

the day when I can well control of my time,

I am walking out from the grieve successfully.

Anyhow,

just to inform all that

I am working very hard now

to make my life more meaningful.

Thanks for being by my side and bear with my temper.

Summary of me for few days~

I really do not feel like coming here

for few days.

I am really exhausted.

Physically and mentally.

within these 5 days,

I did struggled

and yet feel blessed.

Let's talk about Monday.

I supposed to sit still at home

and do my pilling assignment.

I failed.

No choice,

something need to be done

with my mom,

dragging whole afternoon time.

Went home, I was just too dizzy,

could not do anything,

just slept for few hours before dinner.

><

Gotta share some story happened on this day to you all.

Actually I went with my mom

going for an "ask god" session,

mom wanna know about my deceased sister.

The intermediary told that

my deceased sister was actually belongs to the heaven.

She did something wrong and she got to have her punishment here

as a human.

Now her punishment all done,

so she needs to go back to the place that she belongs to.

It's really a nice story.

Hahahaha~

But it makes me feel good. ^^

Tuesday,

I got 6 hours class.

Early in the morning,

I'd get to college

to meet up one of my lecturer

to have some of the updates.

Then in the first class break,

all of us are having nasi lemak and sandwiches

as the money spent on last event left.

I know I can't have anything spicy

but I still have it, in the hope that I'll be alright.

However, the effect was the same,

gastric again. ><

No more spicy food...

When I back home that time,

I've drained myself.

So, I just read up some journals

for the assignment that I need to due on Friday.

Wednesday,

I was permitted to enter a class

to learn back something that I was always confused.

So I went to college early though I have no class.

After that class,

I did my social gerontology's group assignment with 2 of my group mates

from 1pm to 5pm.

It was definitely a tough process

making me very tired.

After that I rushed home

to prepare to go out for dinner.

I had a gathering with my friends in US.

I was late.

But I did have a great time.

The opportunity cost for it is,

I have no time to do my assignment again.

Thursday,

last day before the assignment due.

I went home straightly after my class

intend to do my assignment.

However,

something interesting arose.

One of the tuition center I called before,

called me for an interview,

asking me when I am free to go.

After thinking for some moments,

I feel that that was the most appropriate time,

so I just go.

It's definitely an interesting interview.

I can definitely get the job,

just waiting for second interview.

I found out that it's interesting is

the interviewer not look at my qualifications,

just look on the attitude.

So now I only realized that attitude is a main concern in everything.

After that,

I was too dizzy

slept for 5 hours until one of my friend called me

and asked me whether I would go to a friend's birthday celebration.

I was stunt and that time only remember.

Actually I did not feel like going

since I did nothing on my assignment.

However I choose to go,

just because I have something to give that friend long long time ago

but I have not get the chance to pass it to him.

So, I just simply wrapped up,

to make it like a gift,

then took to the place we meet

to give him.

Now, i am actually wondering whether he would appreciate it or not.

Because it should reach him a month ago,

Now, so late till seems like expired already.

Hahaahaha....

At last, when I reach home,

and tried to concentrate on my assignment that need to be due tomorrow,

I failed again.

I was terribly headache.

Gosh!

What's all this?

Trying to make me stronger?

Or want me to prove myself I can make it?

Come on, I am a human...

Please...

So, I lose.

After an hour of struggling,

I choose to sleep and wake up earlier tomorrow.

Even though an angel offered to help me do the assignment,

I rejected,

I feel that this is my responsibility to make it done,

no matter how tough is the condition.

I would not feel good even I made it,

if I am not the one who do it.

I am very clear how am I look like.

Today,

what a wonderful day!

I say it, I meant it!

It was tough for me,

definitely.

Woke up 5 in the morning,

then do until the time I need to get to college.

At class, I just listened to the lecture without touching it at all.

Today,

this lecturer gave us some useful advices.

"In order to succeed in your job, or even life,

two things you must be able to control.

First, control you pressure and never let it to control of you.

Second, take full charge of your emotion,

never let it control you."

During break,

I told him,

there is a lot of thing we could not control,

this is even apply to some of the conditions that involve emotions.

He was kept on stand very firm on his point,

and say that it's only depends on our mentality to control it.

So, I just revealed the truth.

After that,

I sat alone in the library

and doing my assignment with

my angel online.

Hahahahahaaha.

I tell you,

I am really touched with what he had did for me

staying by my side and encouraging me,

always correct my thoughts when I was wrong.

So blessed to have you.

Thank you my angel!

I made it,

though I know it hasn't meet my real expectation

but at least I did it.

No more such thing happens in future.

After I done with that,

I read an email from another angel.

Seriously,

these 2 angels made me feel I am spoiled heavily.

So great to have you by my side.

Ohya,

on the way home.

I was receiving a call from a parent regarding home tuition.

I was actually do not want to accept the offer,

due to some of the reasons.

However, I really lose to the mom

and I just do not how to reject her.

So, I gotta go and teach her son for a month first

then only decide whether to stay or leave.

I really need to learn the art of REJECTING~

So tired.

This is my one week life.

I would have greater to come in the coming week.

Wish me luck.

Thanks to all of you who are concerning me.

I really appreciate it

but i can only expressed it here

as I do not know the way to say it out.

Thank you~

Freedom~

I'd think of this issue over and over again

within last week.

Just because I've talk this with

one of my best friend,

who is having problems that his parents

is controlling him so tightly.

Today,

I've talk this with my mom too.

Our outcome is

freedom needs the least thing is

self-discipline.

Without self-discipline,

how would you demand so called freedom

from your parents?

since you have no ability to take care of your self yet?

(Correct me if you do feel I'm wrong)

Next,

you demand for freedom,

saying that you are mature enough to go out and see the world.

A question to you,

have you mature enough to handle all?

If you do have such ability to solve all problems

answer all questions and doubts,

You are prepared to get your freedom.

Freedom

is not only free from what you cannot do,

it's also making you to have more responsibility on yourself.

As I've quoted from

one of my respective person's face book status,

"The more responsible we are, the more freedom we will have. May we all use our freedom responsibly."

I do agree on her totally.

I have my freedom

to do and decide everything

before I was 18.

& meanwhile,

I do have lots of responsibilities on me,

either on myself

or even taking care of people around me.

No doubt, I enjoy this so much.

And after few hints from people around me,

I can only realized that freedom needs responsibilities.

I hope you can understand what I said.

When you are ready for that,

your parents would set you free happily.

All the best, friend!

Procrastinating...

I missed yesterday blogpost

I just did not feel like doing it.

No matter how,

I keep on remind myself to do it tonight.

Actually,

I am wondering long time on an issue.

Is it true that psychological health

would affect physically health?

Basically,

I am living a healthy lifestyle

eat and sleep on time, regularly,

sufficient entertainment,

healthy social networks,

little stress,

good relationship with my family.

Based on that,

I should be very healthy right?

However,

I found out that something goes wrong in my body.

I easily get headache and sore throat

even if I drink lots of water.

Yet,

sometimes,

I just got very dizzy and almost fainted.

Like yesterday,

I did nothing,

but due to too dizzy,

I slept for 4 hours in the afternoon.

Mom and dad were so worry,

I told them I am going to have a body check.

But then, I have no courage to go,

as I know I am fine,

nothing happens on me,

just because my body system is some how affecting by my emotion.

Not obvious,

just my instinct is telling me this.

What if I have something goes in my body?

No No.

I would be fine.

Today,

I did a little,

just a little for my assignments.

No worry on assignments at all.

I am worry on such attitude,

couldn't accept this me.

Who is this?

I'd made mom disappointed...

Wake up Louise!

April fool~

It's a day

which I have not been celebrate for 7 years.

For me

it's a sad day

and a memorable day.

If I really intend to trick either one person

I'll sure will get the person.

I don't know why,

but I just have that ability to have that kind of "fun".

No good...

I had some thought last night,

why don't me enjoy the day just have fun

and let my friends have fun?

Then I let go my so called principle for so many years

and had some fun today.

I do appreciate what that friend done on me,

and I only know I really care a lot of her now.

I am not angry at all

Believe me.

And meanwhile,

few of my best friends receive a sms from me

and I got them all...

Sorry, but I mean it.

The question I ask, I mean it but not that harsh.

Not being no faith on you

but I just want a certain answer

that would make me feel peace.

Thanks~