April 29

I could no longer differentiate
what is true and
what is false
after the outbreak of the rally
which was initially a peace assembly
meant to collect democratic voices from the people

There is no absolute right
or absolute wrong party on this case
Police got to be there to keep the order
They were wrong
when they threw out the tear bomb
without giving any warning
On the other hand,
few of those who participated in the assembly
were actually causing troubles to the event
This cannot be generalized
on all of them
with the intention to execute their democratic power

Without those who raised the rally
It would be a peace assembly

No subjective view
which pro to either one party
should be take

Please consider
every single action that you are going to take
would bring what kind of consequences.

Be grateful that
You were granted with a well-function mind
Be grateful that
You stay in this country
where you can voice out freely.
thanks

April 28

The nation
Especially the
Young generation of the nation
is doing something to make
A change to the country
428
An event to remember
A great start towards a better future.

I wish I could be there

I did not make it
I want to keep my mum and dad
feel safe and peace
Coz I am out for half year soon
I can't be selfish
and give them a huge surprise
like this
at this moment
I want them to know
I can carry my self well
and let them less worry on me
While I am not at their side

Thanks for everything!
Thanks for all who voice out
the inner thoughts of us!
Thanks on willing to make a change!
Thanks for all.

April 27

It has been a few days I did not turn up
Today and yesterday
I slept till noon
Feel bad
Yesterday quarrel with mum
Today she seems better
But I turn worst
after my meal
I slept again by 2
till 6
This is really ridiculous!
What had happened to me?
Sorry mum
I don't mean to do that

Thanks for being there.
Thanks for your love

Tomorrow will be a better day

April 24

Happy birthday
My dear sis who is oversea now

I woke up this noon sharp
and was wondering how can I sleep that long.
I prepared for the lunch
and went for my vaccination
Watch tv till now
and no mood to study for tomorrow's exam
How dare me!

Thanks dad for being accept my suggestion!
Thanks dad willing to spare some time for it!
Thanks mum!
Thanks doctor!
Thanks to u all. :)

April 23

Thank you for your presence!
You'd made me feel safe!
You have brighten my day.
Thank you!

April 21

I was reluctant to do my work
And began to clean up part of my room after my nice breakfast
It took me few hours and
I had a nap after that

Eventually
I did my final editing on my report
at night
Accompanied with the tv and my family
10% left now
And I tell my self
To go for my bed
I need to cultivate good sleeping habits
although I am not sleepy.

Feel grateful that a friend
helped me to check
which provides me a chance to improve
I also very grateful
To have all nice friends around
Although I always keeping myself
at home
They are still take me as a good friend
and taking care of me
Thanks to my family
along these years.
Thanks on providing this chance
for me
To visit US again,
and the opportunity to visit
to parts of Europe.
Thanks for giving me a chance
to fulfill my dream
along with her dream.
Thank you so much!
I love you all.

April 20

No doubt,
I've lost my self.

I know my work is not organized at all
but I really do not know how to re-organize it back.
I realized that I need help
no matter how will be the consequences
and how will other perceive me,
or perceive my work;
I've took out the courage to seek for help.

I read the comments
that a friend gave me
She did help me to rearrange my mind
and give me a hope that my work
is still having a little hope to be better

Though I can't blame my adviser on this
but,
I really could not accept the fact that
she is having huge difference
as compared to others
I accept this as my fate
but I feel that this is unfair to me.

The friend reminds me on my blind spot
but not my adviser
How irony is this?

Thanks for your help.
You've help me to improve,
though this is very last minutes now.
So blessed to have you.
Thank you.

April 19

Today
my home was out of electricity for the entire day time
><

I could not do my assignment
and no mood to do anything

After a year plus
I feel inferior
and uncertain on my future
I have no confidence on my undertakings
and even my planning
Sometimes
I just realized that
I've reach the extend that
I have fears towards everything
><

What can I do?

I expressed my fear to mum
on my future trip to US
She said I thought too much
She is so confident on me
and fully support on all my decisions.
So blessed to have her
Thank you mum. :)

April 17

Aaarrr..................
I just want to scream,
like yesterday
I screamed in my car window moved down
driving within 80-90 km/hr
on the way home.

YES
I AM UNDER STRESS DEEPLY
and
not like others said
that I looked extremely calm
without any anxiety
before my final year project presentation

The difference of mine and others just that
I recognized my stress and emotions cognitively
rather than express them emotionally
I do admit that
I've somehow lost the ability to express my emotions
either
happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or even anxious
I understand that this is not good for me
but I just do not know why is it happened

I wish I can express my emotions

Regarding my presentation
maybe I really did it badly
but I do not think that
I really that bad.
He can't penalized me on some minor
grammar errors on few slides
><

Now,
I need to do well in my report
and prove him
he was wrong
I deserve to have a good grade.

Anyway,
thanks to all friends
and my lecturers
who supported me today.
Thanks to mum and dad.
:)

April 15

Now I only realized
My English proficiency is not as good as I think

On personality class
we need to present a famous character
My group is assigned with Emily Dickinson,
a well-known poet

I've lost idea on how to interpret her personality
but soon
I'd got the new idea
to interpret her pieces
her feelings and thoughts through her words

It was a tough process for me
to interpret all those
and I have to link it with personality theories
Eventually, I did on one theory
though I have a degree of worry
that I am not able to present well
tomorrow

I've met my travel partners to US
this afternoon
which then booked our flights to US together
Although we'd faced some difficulties,
but at last
we solved them.

Now left with the flights back to Malaysia
which we all are having different timing of return

Tomorrow
I am going to have a pretty tough day
6 hours of lectures
1 presentation
dancing class
and preparation for Tuesday's FYP presentation.

Cool man.

Thanks for all!

April 14

I admit bravely that
I am now strongly feel
To fall in love.
Body in need of the chemistry deeply.

You are just here right?
Come out
I am now ready for it.

April 13

I almost woke up late
I couldn't hear my alarm
Luckily, dad's loud voice
which woke lil sis up for school
did it.

Yea,
I was going for my visa interview to US
with the other 2 of them.
They came and picked me up on time
and we were pretty early for that
Waited for 1 hour before enter.

Everything ran smoothly
and of course
I got it passed!

After that,
went for the orientation
at the agent's office.

Went to Times Square for lunch,
and then shop for few hours before home.

Tired terribly.

caught in the traffic for 1 hour
late arrival at home made mum worry for couples of hours

Sorry mum

Thank you friends for the day! ^^

April 12

I do not know whether this is a threat for me or not
but
I am kind of worry on such attitude

I am now hardly to lift my body
and leave home for any reason
Yea, it's any reason.
It's really difficult for me to go out
even I have nothing to do.
Staying home would make me feel comfortable
and
going out makes me feel tired

Am I still normal?

sigh...

today,
the gang of friends celebrate two girls' birthday
somewhere near my house
I still reluctant to go
Will do for the second time
I think

My friends will forgive me right?
I shall do something to keep my friends now

After all
I really lazy to do my reflection
><

thanks for your presence!

April 11

I am a coward. >~<

April 6

:)
No special thoughts today.
Just looking forward to tomorrow
meeting friends
two gangs of friends
and
My visa interview has been scheduled!

Good news!
^^

April 4

If I am a book author
Or a journalist,
I must be having lots of ideas to write today!

Few stories to share
:)

I am having car pooling with a friend
for a few sem till now
Today
It's the time for me to hop on her car
After class,
She brought me around
for a short trip
to few gas station
as her part-time job
The weather was so hot,
and her car air-cond was not functioning well
I almost fainted sitting in her car
Worst case was
she did not know the exact place to go,
made us travel to plenty of wrong routes
><
This made me learn a lesson
that
I shall always be prepare to anywhere
which I am not familiar at

Next,
I am planning on the second trip to US
Same case,
a friend of mine was doing the same.
Eventually,
He decide to stop this planning
and back to his normal life.
The outbreak for the decision was
his dad was showing him some sort of irritants
saying that he is still dependant on his dad
while others' children are having own ability to work and spend
He revoked his plan and back to his normal life
and meanwhile, he is keeping his regret for this

If I was him,
I would just stick to my plan,
then work very hard when I back to my life.
I am so blessed that mum and dad support me on my decision
Not physically
but mentally
is giving me huge courage to explore
and chase my dreams
Thanks ma, thanks ba.

Last,
I had a fight with dad
orally
I just couldn't understand
Why he can be like this?
Unreasonable...
Stubborn and never try to listen to people.
Can you change?

April 5

My class had been cancelled
I am free for the whole day
However,the
I did not work much on my study
mainly sleep and eat.
LOL

After breakfast,
I went to apply credit card with mum
It was very fast

then
spent the remaining morning with mum
till my sis brought back her bf
They worked in the kitchen for lunch
then straight after lunch
they went out

Me slept for almost whole afternoon
and night
we went out for dinner
to make an early birthday celebration
and farewell
for the sis who will be leave for study in China

It was a great meal
full of excitement!
Hot, spicy, rich, sour,...
variety of tastes juggling around our taste buds
Yea, it was a Thai fest!
Everyone seems satisfied on that,
and kind of worry of the stomach tomorrow. :)

Anyway,
thanks for the wonderful meal!
and nice memory!
:) 

April 3

Actually I got something to continue from yesterday's thought
but I've forgotten
Now I only realized the power of now.

Never mind,
I just record down my thoughts today.

Today,
another start
I changed my mobile number,
though I was kind of heavy to let go my previous number
but I still go ahead.
This will be a great start of all.
Not because I was stalked
Not because that I do not like the number
I just want to get out from the previous me.
It was a tiring process to inform each of the friend
on the new number
Hope those who are not getting my update
can get me through others

I met for my advisor
on my fyp
checking on my percentage of plagiarism
Every of us less than 10%
which we are qualified for the criteria.

What else I want to say?

I guess I need to work very hard from now
till the end of the final
After final will be another thing to be busy on.
So much thing to do
& that busy me is back!

hahhaha!~

Thanks for granting me good physical health for this.
Thanks for giving me strong mental strengths to face this.
Thanks for being by my side whenever I need.
Thank you!!! <3

April 2

I was kind of worried and anxious
When this day approaching
Two reasons
First,
my personality class would be replaced by one lecturer that I know for a couple of time
This class caused me anxiety
might be caused by the reason that
I am really drained out by the lecturer
of his attitude in class
and his irresponsible left us without acknowledging us.

Second,
Today is the due date for my second draft
Seriously said
I am not completed it when I sent it
and it was about two hours late upon the time of submission
I blamed no one but myself
I could have done better
Just hope I can have slight amendments after getting it back

I never feel that stressed
and draining before
I worked till I felt heavy headache
nausea, and almost faint off

It was so not me!
I was once had a high retention towards stress and challenges
After the death
I just be the self like now
Low to zero motivation
Easily feel stressed
Low energy level
Easily give up
High neurotics
(upsets, angry, anxious, ...)

I want to be the happy me again
And I know I can!
^^

Just got a news from a friend
That he needs to sacrifice his plan
in met with something happened within his family.
As compared to his case,
I feel blessed
to have my lovely family
and supportive mom

People can perceive me
as I am a person who likes to follow own will and interest
But I know well
the reason behind
And mom taught me on this
"Be brave to ignore how others see you,
Just do something that you think it is right."
These words have given me enough courage to face the world
to stand up and fight back the challenges

Thanks mom for raising up!
Thanks friend who made me realized this.
Thanks to the lecturer who full of wisdom.
Thanks to my self, you have done your best! <3

April 1

I am so exhausted but I can't sleep!
Goshh...

Went back to home town yesterday morning
To prepare for this morning
visit to ancestors' grieve yard
I had a terrible sleep
And I couldn't function my brain well
I travel with my cousin
Who was lack of sleep
I kept my self alert
throughout the two hour driving
It was torturing me physically
Luckily the traffic was smooth

Did lots of things home
while waiting for other family members to be back
After an dinner
We went to visit my aunt
who underwent an accident

I am so tired now till
I couldn't support my eyelid
The most suffering part is
I couldn't control my head
It seems like keeps on spinning

Please let me out of this.
Thank you