Feb 29- Once in four years

Time passes so fast

and one more four years gone.

After so much of experiences in life

I found out that 

I am having difficulties in making decision

especially when I have to make any selection

Luckily

on the coming trip to US

I no need to decide so much

because

I've planned well and stand firm on it

However

today's decision to be made that moment

really made me suffered so much

A trip to Redang Island this weekend

versus

next week mid-term exams

The trip is organized by a NGO,

non-profit youth organization.

Yet, the trip costs lesser than the usual package

and it is somehow significant for me to join.

I got my reason

but I do not know how to explain it here.

My mid-term exams

I am kind of worry on the exams

as I never experience the format of the professor

I might be doing something he likes

or the other way round

I keep on telling myself that

I have to be well-prepared when I entered into the exam halls

If I join the trip

I might be having less time to do revision

But if I don't

I feel like I am overstressed

and making me less productive

(Mum said I am trying to find excuses to go out and play)

At last,

I promised to join.

Good or Bad?

I'll take this as challenge to me

to balance out my study stress and leisure.

So 

I am going to work hard on Monday's paper now.

All the best, Louise!

Thanks sis who talked to me.

Thanks mum

thanks to the friends

thanks to all~

Feb 28

I seriously feel that I am in need of rest.
The stress level on my body
is making my body function poorly

I seems like easily get hurt
on my joints
Today,
after I went back from the college
I tried hard not to have any nap
and the result was bad
I couldn't feel anything when I forced myself to stay alert
Even my eyes could not open
Then I went for a short nap
just for half and hour
That made me feel worst
I was having aches all around my body
and I was hesitate to go for my dancing class
Actually it is just a practice for the group
Lastly,
I went for it.
Though it was not helping much
but at least
I step out from my bed

It was the toughest time of the day

I am really exhausted

Thanks to my body which alerts me to rest
thanks to mum who stay with me.

Feb 27

I had a tough night
Struggled with my sleep again.
I reluctant to wake up for my work
as I believe I need  proper rest
I could not take my resting time for my work
I have to take very good care on my body
If not,
how am I going to convince mum that
I'll take good care of my self when I live alone oversea?

I have thought of her,
my dear lil sis.
The moment my mind flashed of her
my tears was rolling by my eyes.
I miss her
and
I realized that
It has been a long time I do not spend my time
thinking of her.
I've slowly walk into a life without her
which initially I refuse to do so.
For many people around me,
I am a step forward;
but for my own view
she'd been gone far.
It's hard to describe the feeling right now,
and I'll just allow myself
to dip into it when I feel like doing so.

Let's talk on another topic.
He is a good lecturer
who can guide us on a proper research method
Just that
sometimes he is too subjective.
It's hard to deal with this kind of personality
You will never know which criteria would fulfill his requirements
I have little to no sense of security
under this lecturer
Anyway,
I really appreciate
everything that I've been learned from him
and his efforts to make us grow.
Thanks so much, prof!

I had a great session on being solitude today.
After class
I went to a book store nearby my college
I was really enjoy the moments
reading the books
and wondering alone
I've chosen two books
and planned to purchase them by using the book voucher
At last,
I failed
just because I've forgot to bring along my IC
So sad

My thighs are still in pain
muscle pain which makes me hard to squad down or sit
That's the lamest reason I skipped my dancing class today.
Sad case
I'm that irresponsible now

One more issue
which raise my concern and I do not agree,
is a bunch of friends
changing own face book profile picture
into an idol face
just to celebrate a friend's birthday.
Maybe you can say I am subjective
but I can tell you that  
it has no point to do so.
What I feel is just that
"funny"
Sorry if I've offended anyone of you
and
thanks for letting me know
that our thinking are having a huge gap
and we will never got together
unless one side willing to tolerate

Thanks for all for the day
Thanks for letting me got a chance to talk to a long-missed friend
thanks for giving me opportunity to walk alone,
and do something I like.
Thanks my family for spending wonderful moments with me.

^^

Feb 26

Count-down 
for my fyp submission : 25 days
Documents for visa: 18 days
Mid term: 8 days

I planned to wake up early for my study

but I failed

Last night,

I was facing difficulties in my sleeping

I hate this

but I chose to stay on bed

as to cultivate my sleeping habit

and to avoid sleeping disorders

I couldn't read much on the book

yet,

I admit that I did not study properly today

Come on

8 more days to mid term

I am still like "I don't care"

This really sucks!

How?

Thank you.

Feb 25

Count-down 
for my fyp submission : 26 days
Documents for visa: 19 days
Mid term: 9 days


I failed to meet my own deadline again.
I promised myself to make my chapter 1, 2, &3
done by today,
but I failed


I woke up late
just the time for lunch
I mean the time to prepare lunch
After lunch
I was too tired
Then followed by my dentist session
The dentist gave me a dose of anaesthesia
to lower the pain on my tooth.
The dose made me felt blur the whole evening.
And I did not do anything on my study.


Anyway


thanks to the dentist
because she was so gentle
and broke my impression that dental surgery is a horrible one.
hahaha~

Feb 24

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 27 days
Documents for visa: 20 days
Mid term: 10 days

I have something which I scared
But have to face today.
It's the dentist session.
I just have fear toward it.
I do not feel like going for it.
At last
I walked into a dentist
Unfortunately
The quota is full
And I have to visit tomorrow.

Evening dancing class time
My mind was kept on appearing
With some thoughts
Dancing is not what I want.
I might have the heart to learn
I might have the passion to dance
But I have to admit that
Dancing cannot be the career of mine.
It was my dream to have it as my career
But now it can only be my hobby
My situation now is just like below
Body of the young age
Thinking like an adult
Heart like a nanny.
My heart is suppressing me
to grow in my dancing skills
However
I just do not feel like leaving
The studio lets me know my self better
Allows me to learn from the beginning
And provides me some level on sense of belonging

Screwed the thought!
I will still proceed with my dream.

When can I meet him?
I am getting tired to face all this by my own.
Please come
accompany me through me life. :)

Thanks mum and other family.
Thanks to my dancing teacher
Thanks to all of you. <3

Feb 23

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 28 days
Documents for visa: 21days
Mid term: 11 days

I purposely went to college earlier
For my dentist session
I thought this would be the final one for this year
but it's not!
I have a big hole on one of the big tooth
Which need a bigger surgery
but it's not provided in the college.
Feel helpless @@

No appetite at all

Lunch met with my close friend
And spend our time together
though we are close
But I still felt uneasy when the time we spent together getting longer
Maybe I am still in my comfort zone
where I still can't get out of the shadow

Today class
was neither interesting nor boring
But the whole class was been scolded by the learning attitudes
Forgive them
Malaysia's culture
which focus on exam grade
cultivated the generation become like this.
Sad case

After class
The lecturer gave us some task
For our extra credits
It's research to find out every single journal articles
under one journal
To form an Archie
for future research use.
Some said this is unfair to those
who are going to grade
But I think this is fine
because
this is a fair deal
where u accept something
and give something back in return.

I was too tired
But still sending out my questionnaire
One by one
A total of 50
If I could get back all,
Half of my sample done!

Thanks to the dentist for the patience
Thanks to a friend who offer me help
Thanks to the lecturer
Thanks to friends who help me in the survey.

Feb 22

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 29 days
Documents for visa: 22 days
Mid term: 12days

I had a class by 11 morning
Went out from home earlier
But I still got into my class late.
Reason?
I couldn't find any parking
inside the college, Cova,
and even roadside were full.
The college keeps on take it more students
But never think of the issue of car parking
So ironic!
Luckily,
This is my last semester in this college.

After class
I had a group discussion
then went back.
Before home,
I went to a watch shop to fix my watch
It's been a long time
I do not wear watch on my wrist
It has become a habit of mine
to take out my phone and check out the time.
This is definitely not a good one!
Change!

When I reach home
I was too tired and wanted to rest
Suddenly a thought come out
And I need to find out some stuff
Since that moment
I scoured on all the possible areas
to find it.
It was tiring
and after that
I am strengthless to put my energy on study
So I play games with my sis
Then got up onto my bed

Thanks for the obstacles I meet today!

Feb 21

I woke up early for my last min work
The feeling is terrible
Everything uncertain

Met my advisor for my senior project
After that I only realized
that I have only four weeks to complete it
which I think it's little
and not sufficient for me
to balance between
my study (other subjects)
Dancing
My preparation for work and travel
(documents, visa & flight tickets)
Some more,
I need to help my mum
on her work in some extent.
(I know I am not a good daughter
Always leave the family
and go fate to travel
So
As long as I am here
I got to spend more time with them
On simply daily chores like
Chatting
Watch tv
Meals
Games
Offer help when they need

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 30 days
Documents for visa: 23 days
Mid term: 13 days

Good luck, Louise
Stop procrastinating
And work very hard
For your As

Thanks mama for the day
Thanks others who stay by me today
Thanks to my lecturer who helped me
Thanks friends who helped me
Thanks for giving me energy to continue my journey!

Feb 20

I met so many people today
and I am having lots of thoughts today.

I met with a close friend
(here not mean we are always sticking together,
  but we know and understand each other well)
I've shared a lot
and had a nice chat with her.
It has been a long time we have not talk to each other.
Missing those moments
She gave a an useful tip
on getting motivated on my study
that is "get started"
When you get started, you would continue the job.
It's so true!

Previously
I keep on thinking
whether what path I need to choose
after I graduate

Today
I strongly make my stand that
no matter how
I will proceed with my dream
on being a real psychology
which is involved in counselling

I am not suit to be a dancer
after today's class
dancing can be my hobby
but not passion and career
I'm not physically fit any more

Anyway
thanks for the teacher who teach me the dancing skills
and thanks to my dear friend who inspired me
thanks to everything and everyone I meet today!

Feb 19- An Interview day

I was not really nervous on the interview
Just that the room temperature made me feel uneasy.
Ohya,
I went for an interview,
with the employer from US
for my Work and Travel program
in this coming summer.
I had it this afternoon
at Shangri-la Hotel, KL.

It was a cool event
when I get to know so many people out there.
And some even going to the same place with me.
Besides,
I got to know some friends from facebook too!

When I talked to a girl
who had travelled around Europe last time,
I found out the Europe is not a safe place for backpackers
which the girl had been robbed for several times.
She illustrated the scene for us
with her tears rolling in her eyes.
It should be an shocking experience for her.
Hope my journey will be all safe and blessed.

Yet,
I have no motivation on my research by now
Still procrastinating.
Come on!
You gotta work very hard now!

Thanks to all I have.
Thanks to people around me who help me up.
Thanks to the luck I have which takes me along the journey safely.

Feb 18

I am watching a movie
A love story about homosexual and heterosexual
It touches my heart
And suddenly
I feel I am deeply in need of love.
The love here is refer to
relationship between a girl and a boy.

I had a casting this afternoon
for a tv commercial.
It's not easy
on the solo part
and I was nervous till I couldn't breath
(by the way, the air ventilation really sucks!)
I know it was terrible
but I gotta accept it.
Maybe I am not the type
Who suit to be on stage.

Anyhow
Thanks to all!

Feb 17

can I free from doing reflection today?
Scared to face my emotions.

It's never easy
but it will be hard
if you never do so.

I spent a whole day with my mum and dad
working something out on their jobs
Nice day,
I would say.
But I forgo my time to spend on my study
because
at night
I still have my dancing class for couples of hours
It was a good one
and I was enjoying so much
(Just that I am not expressing on my face)

It's important to know our body well
I realized that I've not spending time to know my body
since long time ago.
I shall now slowly catch it back.

Tonight,
I am feeling that
a strong energy is approaching me
which I know that the energy
is giving me the strength
to walk towards my dreams
I am walking towards my dreams
They are going to be real very soon.

Gratitudes to mum & dad & other family
thankful to my dancing teacher
and my fellow mates.
Thanks to all!

Feb 16

So much to say today!
:)

Bit by bit...

First of all,
I want to ask,
Do you feel bored on this?
(I need response here to improve and for the future me.)

Second,
I just realized that
I am having a huge contradiction within myself.
I want to go travel for half year soon
and
I feel that it is hard to get out of my home.
I just feel like staying home
for my family precious time and mum's everyday dishes.
I just cannot resist the temptation of those home-cook food.
Soon, I'll be living without this for half year.
Thanks mum for all of this!

Third,
today's lecture was kind of boring for me.
I suddenly realized that
the lecturer is quit subjective in some sense.
I am not blaming him on this,
but I hope he will have some changes on this.
I do not like the presentation today,
zero interaction and dull presentation
yet, the lecturer said it was awesome.
I bet he was just referring to the content of the slides.
SAD

Forth,
Another question to you again
DO I LOOK TOTALLY DIFFERENT
FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU MET ME AND THE TIME YOU GET TO KNOW ME BETTER?
Funny
When I get to know I got such big difference from most of the friends.
Anyhow,
do not judge the book by its cover.
That's my favourite quote
and I am practising it.

I got to peace my mind and start
to do my revision for mid-term exams
and do my research
preparation for my Sunday's interview
and also the casting on a commercial show.

So much to do.

Not to forget
to help my mum on some extend.

Thanks for granting parts of my dreams come true.
Thanks for letting me clear on my own strengths and weaknesses.
Thanks for giving me a chance to learn.

Feb 15

It's been few days
I have not doing any reflections
and express my gratitude

I gotta do it.
No more procrastinating

I am doing research on my journey to US and Europe
so exciting on that!

I plan to go on several places in Europe
Rome
Venice
Pisa
Milan
Paris
Belgium
London
---If got time, I want to visit to Provence
     to see the wide lavender field

US
still planning and got time to plan
so no need to worry
since I only plan 2 weeks spend in Europe,
so must do it properly now

so much of thing to be done
as a preparation for this trip
1. renew my passport
2. fill all the forms and documents
3. check on the flight tickets
4. have vaccination on flu and hepatitis B
5. plan on Europe trip properly before booking the flight
6. remember to get convocation application done
7. get prepared with this Sunday's interview
8. Get prepared mentally and emotionally
9. packing my luggage
10. do a checklist for this

My mind is now occupy by this now.
It's a stress, but a eustress
A term I learned today,
which means that it would brings positive consequences

I do need to schedule my time
on my study and preparation for the trip.

All the best, Louise

Thanks to all
Thanks mum for the meal!
thanks to friends who helped me
Thanks to my companion for the trip!

Feb 10

I suppose to get my first and second chapter done by today
But I failed again.
However,
I am on the right track.
Got to work hard this weekend.
I wanna score A for this!

After meeting my advisor for my fyp
I went to The Curve alone
To have some book reading
To pick up some books with my
RM 200 book voucher
When I was concentrating in reading a book,
Suddenly a person walked approaching me
and I felt threatened.
Eventually,
He is my best friend cum brother.
It has been a long time
I did not catch up with him.
We had a chat about 30 minutes
And then i rushed home for my dancing class

The class is great
But my mind just forgetful.
Thanks to the teacher for the awesome class!

Thanks to my lecturer on advising me
Thanks mum for the great meal
Thanks the best friend for the time.
Thanks the world letting me know this world is great!

I feel grateful today!
And everyday! :)

Feb 9

It was a tough day for me
Physical and emotional draining
But
I enjoy the lesson
I'd learned a lot.
Thanks for that!

Feb 8

I had a bad sleep last night
whole day MIGRAINE
It's so torturing!

I couldn't do my work
and couldn't concentrate

I am going to hand in my work tomorrow
and present tomorrow
It seems like I am not prepared yet.

I do not like such me!
Please
Please do not procrastinate anymore!
You are not afford to loose
Please

All the best!

Feb 5

Sunday
shall be a day spend with family
but I spent it mostly with friends

I had a Chinese New Year gathering
with a non-profit NGO organisation
which I involved in volunteering jobs.
I went with two of my sis and my cousins

Enjoy the event so much
and I won several prizes for the event.
After that went to shop around Times Square
I am figuring the reason
why I could not buy anything out of that.

After home
I had my dinner
and depart to USJ
for a friend's house warming

went home earlier as
I was too tired

Had a short wine session with family
nice one

thanks for everything today! :)

Feb 4

Stay home for the whole day time
and went out at night.

Went for a gathering with my form 6 best friends
A steamboat dinner
then went for a cup of tea in a friend's house
and then went for a mid-night karaoke session

It was tiring
but I enjoy it so much. :)

Thanks to my family
and friends for the day! :)

Feb 7

OMG!!!
I missed 3 days journals!
What have I done?
Why am I so lazy?
Or forgotten?

I do not know.
I gotta do it tonight.

Start from today first
I had a great day, it is undeniable!

I went to 1U MCD and meet my friends
on group discussion for substance abuse class.
I am the earliest one.
Though it is not done,
but we have a clear idea on what we should do.

After that I went to UOA Bangsar
for a small gathering
I got to know a lot of nice people
and I stay a chance to know different experiences from different people.
Every experience is so unique and nice
I shall plan my coming journey well
and enjoy to the max. :)

I love one of the previous participant's video on her journey.
So nice
It inspired me to do a video log in my coming trip.

I want to go USA
and bring back lots of wonderful memories
and I want to go certain places of EUROPE!
I wanna go!

Anyway, I had a great day~ :)

Thanks to all~

Feb 3

Yiiiiiii......
I must confess before I say anything for today.
I did nothing according to my schedule
and of course
I neglected my research.
What am I doing now?
I would hangout for this weekend
and even next week.
Erm...
I think I gotta sacrifice my sleep later for my proposal.

Though I did not do enough for myself
but I like the day so much!
It's just wonderful!

I have no class today
so after I woke up
just help up mum on the lunch
We are having the minced meat stuffed in some vegetables
and it's also known as yong tao fu

After lunch
went shopping with mum and lil sis
and then went home had a short nap
Night,
went for my dancing class
a foundation on popping and hip hop.
Love the classes so much
and the classes make me realized that
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY BODY YET.
so sad

I learned a lot.
and it's interesting for me

I am feeling great
and I feel like I got back my enthusiasm in my life
by this dancing
and simply dream

About the dream
I wish I can go to certain places in Europe
after my work and travel in US
Sounds crazy but I know it's workable.
I feel so great to have an aim.
A big one.

and now,
I shall work hard on my study first.
I wanna get 4 flat this sem.

Alright,
got to go

Thanks to the world
thanks to mum who support on all my decisions
thanks to the teacher on my dancing
thanks to friends who support me always

Good night! <3

Feb 2

I guess I feel great today!
Hey! Why so uncertain?
Alright, I feel great today!
Though I missed to see dentist for my rotten tooth;
my pc not being installed with Ms Office;
I missed my new Waacking class.
and I am now need to sacrifice portion of my sleep
in order to download something I need
into my newly formatted pc.

I went early to class
to meet up my friend and get back my pc
Then planned to visit the dentist but failed.
did some researches on group work
Went for lunch alone
Met a Korean girl
who share me something about Christianity and the passover
and dragged me half an hour.
Class
Nice presentation by a friend
Like the entire class so much
After class
had a 2 hours chat with a new friend
quite nice

Unable to get back on time for the waacking class
so rest at home
and do something necessary to my mini lappy
Eventually found that
a girl had visited to many countries in Europe
Suddenly wish to be like her
though I have no sufficient money.
I want to go to
PARIS
MILAN
VENICE
PRAGUE
GREECE
LONDON
ROME
AMSTERDAM

Make it my goal then.
Work hard, very hard on it!
and SOON you will get it!

Good luck, Louise

Thanks to all who brought me a great day
and thanks to you as making my dreams approaching
fast


^^

Feb 1

The first day of another new month.
I definitely had a great day
Woke up early to prepare for my class
Enjoying the class
Then went home for lunch
Having short reading
A long nap
Dinner
Then went for a movie with my friends

How wonderful if my life
Is just peace and well scheduled like that

After the movie
My friends invited me for a drink nearby
It's a culture in this country
To sit together, have some drinks
and talk about each other updates
I am not refuse to practice this
But not too often for me
Once in a blue moon
will be good,
without the need to have late at night

After so many things which I experienced,
I realized that night time
is the most precious time for me
For me to spend with my family
to relax, or even to ponder
And to reflect
I miss those moments
few years back when I have such practice
And now I am slowly gaining it back.

Thanks to the lovely lecturer!
Thanks to my members for the group!
Thanks to my beloved family!
Thanks to friends who spend time and watch movie with me.

Good night and good day ahead! :)

Jan 31

The last day of January
I passed my entire month
Just like that

I had a tough day
And I am the one who should responsible on this
I do last minutes job
And couldn't even finish it on time

I feel disappointed on my self
I will never progress if I continue to be like this
I must change
I must do things and submit on time
I must do my part nicely

Thanks for the lecturer
Thanks for my friends
Thanks to mum and dad
For being understanding

I promise I will change
And would not repeat the silly mistake again