Just some pieces from my junk mind~

First of all,
This will be certainly like what is being mentioned in the title.
No special arrangement,
no editing,
no any decoration on the words,
JUST purely dig out from the rusting mind.

What is the aim of your life?
What do you want in your life?
What is your motive to live?
These few questions are haunting me recently.

Frankly say,
I am lost.
If this situation accidentally seen
by myself one year ago,
That self would definitely laugh me
until I would dig myself a hole to hide inside.

I was always the EGO person,
and knowing what I want in my life well.
I never wonder I would be defeat
by this.
NEVER.

I am lost.
Figuring ways to go out from the dark cloud.
Can I?

She is influencing me in some ways,
her philosophy.
She would never want to give up,
even though the success rate only up to 0.1%,
she will still persist.
She did not mind to be the clown of the crowd.
For her,
she would be happy if she can bring the cheers to people around her.
She is a SUN for us.

I miss her.
I hope I can pass her message around
to everyone.
To live happily.
To enjoy every single thing that is being owned.

Still thinking,
What I really want.

Emotions~

What word would you like to describe you emotions?
If I have to answer this question
I'll pick the word
"WEATHER"

No doubt,
my emotions now are like the dramatic weather recently.
It can be very hot in the afternoon,
and soon,
it would turn into a very dark sky
with its heavy rain pour.
It could be chilling windy but sunny,
it could also be cloudy.

I
used to control my emotions well,
always let it in the sunny mode,
which people around me like this mode so much.
Even sometimes I need to face heavy downpour
the weather would soon turn into sunny again.
However,
I'm no longer the sunny girl anymore,
after the disaster.
We could hardly see the sunny mode on me,
and I am always in cloudy mode.

I realized this since half year ago.
I want to have a change
I do not want to give any more excuses,
I want to find back the long missed me.

I believe when I push away the dark cloud,
I can see back my lovely sun.

I miss you, SUN!

I am on the way here now.
Wait for me.

today~

I went back from Port Dickson 2 days ago.
This morning I can still feel the tiredness lie within my body.
Before I went to my class in college by 12pm,
I had a diarrhea.
My mind cant get rid of the fact that,
I brought this home from PD.
Ever since that day I reach KL,
I am suffering for that till now.
My whole stomach was like
having the big fight within it.
On that particular night,
I cant even have my dinner probably
as I was having a severe gastric ache.
All over now.
feel blessed.

Today,
I am having lots of thoughts,
and also all kind of different feelings.
I met my partner in the camp
which I joined as volunteer last weekend,
in the college.
The most surprising part is that,
he is also study in the same campus with me...

I went back home and rest well.
I have no job today,
that why I love Tuesday so much.

Night,
I heard dad receive a call.
I heard his conversation.
He told the person on the call that
his daughter, my sis has passed away.
I heard it.
Moody again.
no mood to study for my mid term now.
& I saw mom is none stop wiping her tears.
Again!
I do not like to see such atmosphere.
When can I get rid of such sadness at home?

After all,
I still feel blessed.
I got to know lots of friends last weekend.
& I got to know that I can be happy if I want to.
I know my family and friends would always be there
supporting me.

Thanks to all,
Friends.

Junks...

It has been two weeks I did not update this.
Lots to share.
Lots to think of
and
Lots to change.

I went for a fortune telling session
with my closest friend.
It was a fun one.
Really interesting.
^^

Oh.
I couldn't keep this anymore.
Few of us formed a team,
organizing an annual dinner
for our friends.
This is like a secret mission on this stage.
so, please still keep it till I reveal it.
haha....
I wanna tell you now is that
I can see there is something very solid
have been formed.
I can feel it would be a great success.
Friend,
you would support me and go for that dinner right?
^^

Another important update
is that,
I join as a volunteer
in organizing a camp year end.
I would have a very hectic life onward
but I know this life
is definitely my life,
mission of my life.
^^

Know lots of new friends through
this meaningful job.
Love them so much~
^^

Today
I suddenly awake.
I got back the feeling
I am like having back the previous self.
The one who is very ego,
who has a very clear aim,
who is very peace in mind no matter how.
I got back the long missed feeling.
So happy.

Reborn.
I do.
Thanks to all of you
my friends!
and not to forget,
My dear family.

A special day~

I am tired now
but still eager to jot down
some of my thoughts and feeling now.

I brought my little sister and brother
to iCity yesterday evening.
I had a very great time with them.
I shall have more time with them.
I was really tired and
lack of sleep
as today I gotta wake up pretty early to college.
However, I still late for my class
as I've forgotten that the class began earlier
as mentioned last week.

After class,
I realized that the interview of mine
by SEGi has been published on today's STAR newspaper.
For me, I do not have special feeling,
just feel a bit fresh as
this is the first time appear on public media like this.
I would keep it as a memory
for the future me.

If you wish to read about the interview article,
you may follow this link.
Later I'll attach an image of the newspaper article for you.

I gotta leave here earlier.
tell you more later.
chao.

Listen to your heart

Another Lazy day.
Lost the identity,
who has been a hardworking one.
Really miss that person,
the one who work hard without complaining,
whom some of the people around would think she is a robot.

I know,
I shall be grateful now,
since God grant me the time to relax.
It's time to slow down my pace,
time to relax and think
of what I really want.

Listen to your heart.
What I told my friend so.
Meanwhile my heart is yelling at me,
"please listen to me!!!"

Yup,
it's essential for me to do so
To find back the long missed me.
While relaxing,
spare some time to think what I want,
what I eager for,
what I aim for,
what kind of life I want.

I shall keep myself in a true serene
to listen the deep voice from my heart.

by the way,
I shall apologize to all friends
who I'd made you disappointed.
I'm sorry.
I make the situation badly.

I had few days with some serious thoughts.

I gotta get out from what I am now.

I need it deeply.

After few days sitting down

doing nothing,

I can only now realized that

I am too EGO to accept failure.

I am.

This EGO is bringing me more obstacles

to find back myself.

I hate it, but gotta accept it and not eliminate it,

because this is the only asset I have

to protect the little fragile heart of mine.

Fu Yee,

You cannot live without your aim of life.

That's not you!

(this is what the voice of my heart talk to me just a little moment ago)

Yes.

I admit that

I have no aim at all.

I dare not to think of anything now,

dare not to dream,

dare not to ask for anything either.

Some more,

I am giving myself a very lame excuse,

I dare not to simply ask for something

because what I think will be true,

I need to think seriously of what I really want.

But, that's what I got along the journey,

believe it or not

depends on you.

Today,

I found out that

how pity I am

without my dream.

I am not me anymore.

I was knowing myself well last time,

but not now.

I lost the real identity of me.

I know I gotta ponder on what I want in the future now.

For now,

I need to be serious,

serious in everything in my life.

Serious in enjoying my life.

To find back the innate self of mine.