Grateful to meet him

I feel so blessed

I talked to him today
About my doubts and uncertainties
He gave me some ideas
But not the direct ways
He was my lecturer
And now
my mentor
He told me something that I should always think of
Told me to view the good side of things instead of the bad
Giving me enough courage to face my life
By affirming my abilities
He is not teaching me
But he is guiding me on my life

I am grateful to have him
Thanks so much sir

Happy birthday!

25
What have you got in this age?
Me?
What I have is way too far as compared to what I wish to have.
I can't even feed myself at this age.
I need to work hard right?
Thanks to my family
who support me physically and mentally.

Happy birthday, Louise!
Believe that you can make it.
Never too care about others' view.
You are yourself, nobody else.
Care nothing but the path that you have chosen.
All the best for you
& you may get what you want.
Be blessed
Be grateful
<3

This is me.

Yesterday
I helped to cook rice
It was a failure
As I put not enough water
Eventually
Mum claimed that I put no water
I was pissed
And told her that I did put water,
Just that it was not enough to cook the rice
She kept on saying that I put no water
So I couldn't bear with it
And screamed out

From this case
I understand myself that
I could never accept
People accuse me for things that I never do
I am always like that
I will admit if I did the mistake

Hope you understand

May 28

I do not managed to do two blogs at the same time.
If you do know Chinese and can read Chinese
U can see my other blog in Chinese
That's for my family about my updates
in US

ultimatejourneyinus.blogspot.com

May 13

Happy mothers' day, mum!
I am not a good daughter
I admit
However, I still wish you
To have a great health
And a happy moments in these days

I have not been updated this blog for a week
I have no time to do it
and no time to do some reflections
More precisely
I reluctant to do those
because I am aware that
I am leaving home soon
Leaving home is sickening me now
Only certain people know
the reason I do so.

My busy and packed schedule
began by Sunday, the 6th
I met up with high school buddies
for breakfast dim sum
Then went to Cheras
for a blood donation campaign
My intention to go there was to donate blood
Eventually
I was being rejected,
Just because my vaccination for hepatitis B was not reaching 3 weeks
which is over the reactive period
Hence, I stayed there to be a volunteer
Helped up on the registration
After that,
Rushed home
to go back hometown with parents
The journey was torturing me
as I had not enough rest
even at night

The next day morning
We went for a special session
(I'll just keep this as private)
After that, went home by afternoon
Night,
Went to the studio
with my intention to meet up my teacher
Since she was not there, I left
Went to meet my buddies
before I fly.
So blessed to have them

Tuesday
shall be an easy day for me.
However, I was wrong
I went back to college
to apply for my graduation
after I went for a long queue to get the bank draft
Followed by this was
A meeting with a close friend for lunch
Home...
Initially dinner supposed to be with two long missed friends
But I felt my head was to heavy to go out
and I cancelled it

Wednesday
Was a quite peaceful day for me
Staying with my family
My sis who went to China for a month
Came home by this day
We went for a dinner
To celebrate her arrival,
My farewell,
And mothers' day
It was a cool day
And we went for a late movie before home

Thursday
Went to meet a friend from Thailand
and had breakfast with him
Back home slept for two hours
Woke up
And met a friend in the evening
We had a long chat
and felt great after that

Friday
I thought I can rest by this day
I was wrong
After fixing something at home
I went to make my ISIC
(International student identity card)
With two other friends
At night
Went to a high school gathering
Till midnight
This was really killing me
I had no enough rest till now

Saturday
Day to fly
My feelings are mixed up
And confused whether I doing right thing or not
Tomorrow is mothers day
and I just left her by today
Just hope I will have a nice journey

Thanks to mum
who allow me to do what I wish
and support my decision all the time
Thanks to friends
who are concerning me
and wishing me in this journey
Thanks to all of you
who made me feel that
I am living in happiness.
So grateful to have you. :)

May 5

I really unwilling to wake up
from my sweet bed

Laying back for whole day
Prepare some desserts for family
Went for shopping with bro
And watch tv at night
Haha
How relax I am now
:)

May 4

My last day for exam
and
I understand that I did something
Not right
I don't feel like talking about that
Just to remind me
Not to do last minutes work

This is a blissful day

I had a nice talk with a close friend
Reminds me lots of things
Nice things about friends

Later
I went to meet my secondary school friends
Had a nice chat with a long miss friend
Ten years never see him
Everyone seems great
And grateful that we can still meet
And talk about past time
Nostalgia~

Suddenly
A friend from Thailand called
A long miss voice
Telling me that he is here now for a year
to work
I feel so happy to hear that
Since I have one more week to be here
I want to meet him before I leave

I love this day
This is a day
Full of cheers and bless
of friendship

Not to forget
Thanks to friends who helped in my exam
Thanks to a friend who bought me lunch
Thanks to a friend accompany me for two hours
Thanks to you all. <3

May 2

I have tried my best
To sleep earlier
And wake up earlier today
But, same
I woke up quite late

><

I dreamt of her
Yes
Something about our normal life routine
It's so real till
I've forgotten that she'd left us
How cool if she is here now

I couldn't concentrate on my study
So I just relax and laid back
Cleaned up part of my room
And packing some for my trip

I've trimmed my hair

I think its better to get on bed earlier
I gotta finish 2 assignments by tmr

All da best!
Thanks! :)

May 1

Labor day

Though this holiday is not meant for me
But I do really enjoy it
and realized something very important
to me

I help little on the house chore
before my lunch
Ad after that
Met a gang of friends
(All guys; do I behave like guy and that's the reason i have so many guy friends?)
Hangout for about two hours
Mmm
But they are really nice friends!
Home
and watch tv with my family
Till night
Haha
Meanwhile
I made some glutinous balls
as dessert for my family
And chat with a friend
He is so cool,
made me realized an important message
~ Life is just like an ice-cream, it's cool and simply doesn't cost much. If you are having it now, it would melt. ~

True
We need to appreciate our present
Stop dwelling on the past
And less worry on the future
Thanks friend for the meaningful quote.
Love it so much!

Suddenly
I feel like I am having less time for my family now
That's why I need to do something before I fly
Mum always waited for me every time
I went out at night
She will only get on bed
when I reached home

I really feel blessed
And grateful
On all I own now
My mum
My family
My friends
My life

Thank you for all.
I love you all. :)

April 30

I know you don't feel like letting me go
Though you keep on saying
It's up to me.

I looked like I don't care
on how you feel
But I really do
Like last time
You showed me the same attitude
I really want to get out from home this time
Not because any reason
But I really need
To get up from the spot I fell
You can think that I am not considerate
But
It is far more difficult for me
To walk out this step
Limited resources,
in uncertain situation
Each wrong step might bring some unforeseen consequences

Unlike last time
I really work very hard for this journey
And I shall let you know that
This journey is significant for me
on a degree
Sorry to make you worry
I will take good care of my self
And I will promise you to come back safely

Please forgive my stubborn
And thank you for supporting me

Thanks for the meal
Thanks for all I own which you gave me
Thanks for going me enough liberty
Thanks for giving me adequate education
Thanks for giving me an extent to think and decide
Thanks for trying to understand me
Thank you mum.
I love you mum.

Ps: thanks a friend for a wonderful farewell dinner. I had a great night. :)

April 29

I could no longer differentiate
what is true and
what is false
after the outbreak of the rally
which was initially a peace assembly
meant to collect democratic voices from the people

There is no absolute right
or absolute wrong party on this case
Police got to be there to keep the order
They were wrong
when they threw out the tear bomb
without giving any warning
On the other hand,
few of those who participated in the assembly
were actually causing troubles to the event
This cannot be generalized
on all of them
with the intention to execute their democratic power

Without those who raised the rally
It would be a peace assembly

No subjective view
which pro to either one party
should be take

Please consider
every single action that you are going to take
would bring what kind of consequences.

Be grateful that
You were granted with a well-function mind
Be grateful that
You stay in this country
where you can voice out freely.
thanks

April 28

The nation
Especially the
Young generation of the nation
is doing something to make
A change to the country
428
An event to remember
A great start towards a better future.

I wish I could be there

I did not make it
I want to keep my mum and dad
feel safe and peace
Coz I am out for half year soon
I can't be selfish
and give them a huge surprise
like this
at this moment
I want them to know
I can carry my self well
and let them less worry on me
While I am not at their side

Thanks for everything!
Thanks for all who voice out
the inner thoughts of us!
Thanks on willing to make a change!
Thanks for all.

April 27

It has been a few days I did not turn up
Today and yesterday
I slept till noon
Feel bad
Yesterday quarrel with mum
Today she seems better
But I turn worst
after my meal
I slept again by 2
till 6
This is really ridiculous!
What had happened to me?
Sorry mum
I don't mean to do that

Thanks for being there.
Thanks for your love

Tomorrow will be a better day

April 24

Happy birthday
My dear sis who is oversea now

I woke up this noon sharp
and was wondering how can I sleep that long.
I prepared for the lunch
and went for my vaccination
Watch tv till now
and no mood to study for tomorrow's exam
How dare me!

Thanks dad for being accept my suggestion!
Thanks dad willing to spare some time for it!
Thanks mum!
Thanks doctor!
Thanks to u all. :)

April 23

Thank you for your presence!
You'd made me feel safe!
You have brighten my day.
Thank you!

April 21

I was reluctant to do my work
And began to clean up part of my room after my nice breakfast
It took me few hours and
I had a nap after that

Eventually
I did my final editing on my report
at night
Accompanied with the tv and my family
10% left now
And I tell my self
To go for my bed
I need to cultivate good sleeping habits
although I am not sleepy.

Feel grateful that a friend
helped me to check
which provides me a chance to improve
I also very grateful
To have all nice friends around
Although I always keeping myself
at home
They are still take me as a good friend
and taking care of me
Thanks to my family
along these years.
Thanks on providing this chance
for me
To visit US again,
and the opportunity to visit
to parts of Europe.
Thanks for giving me a chance
to fulfill my dream
along with her dream.
Thank you so much!
I love you all.

April 20

No doubt,
I've lost my self.

I know my work is not organized at all
but I really do not know how to re-organize it back.
I realized that I need help
no matter how will be the consequences
and how will other perceive me,
or perceive my work;
I've took out the courage to seek for help.

I read the comments
that a friend gave me
She did help me to rearrange my mind
and give me a hope that my work
is still having a little hope to be better

Though I can't blame my adviser on this
but,
I really could not accept the fact that
she is having huge difference
as compared to others
I accept this as my fate
but I feel that this is unfair to me.

The friend reminds me on my blind spot
but not my adviser
How irony is this?

Thanks for your help.
You've help me to improve,
though this is very last minutes now.
So blessed to have you.
Thank you.

April 19

Today
my home was out of electricity for the entire day time
><

I could not do my assignment
and no mood to do anything

After a year plus
I feel inferior
and uncertain on my future
I have no confidence on my undertakings
and even my planning
Sometimes
I just realized that
I've reach the extend that
I have fears towards everything
><

What can I do?

I expressed my fear to mum
on my future trip to US
She said I thought too much
She is so confident on me
and fully support on all my decisions.
So blessed to have her
Thank you mum. :)

April 17

Aaarrr..................
I just want to scream,
like yesterday
I screamed in my car window moved down
driving within 80-90 km/hr
on the way home.

YES
I AM UNDER STRESS DEEPLY
and
not like others said
that I looked extremely calm
without any anxiety
before my final year project presentation

The difference of mine and others just that
I recognized my stress and emotions cognitively
rather than express them emotionally
I do admit that
I've somehow lost the ability to express my emotions
either
happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or even anxious
I understand that this is not good for me
but I just do not know why is it happened

I wish I can express my emotions

Regarding my presentation
maybe I really did it badly
but I do not think that
I really that bad.
He can't penalized me on some minor
grammar errors on few slides
><

Now,
I need to do well in my report
and prove him
he was wrong
I deserve to have a good grade.

Anyway,
thanks to all friends
and my lecturers
who supported me today.
Thanks to mum and dad.
:)

April 15

Now I only realized
My English proficiency is not as good as I think

On personality class
we need to present a famous character
My group is assigned with Emily Dickinson,
a well-known poet

I've lost idea on how to interpret her personality
but soon
I'd got the new idea
to interpret her pieces
her feelings and thoughts through her words

It was a tough process for me
to interpret all those
and I have to link it with personality theories
Eventually, I did on one theory
though I have a degree of worry
that I am not able to present well
tomorrow

I've met my travel partners to US
this afternoon
which then booked our flights to US together
Although we'd faced some difficulties,
but at last
we solved them.

Now left with the flights back to Malaysia
which we all are having different timing of return

Tomorrow
I am going to have a pretty tough day
6 hours of lectures
1 presentation
dancing class
and preparation for Tuesday's FYP presentation.

Cool man.

Thanks for all!

April 14

I admit bravely that
I am now strongly feel
To fall in love.
Body in need of the chemistry deeply.

You are just here right?
Come out
I am now ready for it.

April 13

I almost woke up late
I couldn't hear my alarm
Luckily, dad's loud voice
which woke lil sis up for school
did it.

Yea,
I was going for my visa interview to US
with the other 2 of them.
They came and picked me up on time
and we were pretty early for that
Waited for 1 hour before enter.

Everything ran smoothly
and of course
I got it passed!

After that,
went for the orientation
at the agent's office.

Went to Times Square for lunch,
and then shop for few hours before home.

Tired terribly.

caught in the traffic for 1 hour
late arrival at home made mum worry for couples of hours

Sorry mum

Thank you friends for the day! ^^

April 12

I do not know whether this is a threat for me or not
but
I am kind of worry on such attitude

I am now hardly to lift my body
and leave home for any reason
Yea, it's any reason.
It's really difficult for me to go out
even I have nothing to do.
Staying home would make me feel comfortable
and
going out makes me feel tired

Am I still normal?

sigh...

today,
the gang of friends celebrate two girls' birthday
somewhere near my house
I still reluctant to go
Will do for the second time
I think

My friends will forgive me right?
I shall do something to keep my friends now

After all
I really lazy to do my reflection
><

thanks for your presence!

April 11

I am a coward. >~<

April 6

:)
No special thoughts today.
Just looking forward to tomorrow
meeting friends
two gangs of friends
and
My visa interview has been scheduled!

Good news!
^^

April 4

If I am a book author
Or a journalist,
I must be having lots of ideas to write today!

Few stories to share
:)

I am having car pooling with a friend
for a few sem till now
Today
It's the time for me to hop on her car
After class,
She brought me around
for a short trip
to few gas station
as her part-time job
The weather was so hot,
and her car air-cond was not functioning well
I almost fainted sitting in her car
Worst case was
she did not know the exact place to go,
made us travel to plenty of wrong routes
><
This made me learn a lesson
that
I shall always be prepare to anywhere
which I am not familiar at

Next,
I am planning on the second trip to US
Same case,
a friend of mine was doing the same.
Eventually,
He decide to stop this planning
and back to his normal life.
The outbreak for the decision was
his dad was showing him some sort of irritants
saying that he is still dependant on his dad
while others' children are having own ability to work and spend
He revoked his plan and back to his normal life
and meanwhile, he is keeping his regret for this

If I was him,
I would just stick to my plan,
then work very hard when I back to my life.
I am so blessed that mum and dad support me on my decision
Not physically
but mentally
is giving me huge courage to explore
and chase my dreams
Thanks ma, thanks ba.

Last,
I had a fight with dad
orally
I just couldn't understand
Why he can be like this?
Unreasonable...
Stubborn and never try to listen to people.
Can you change?

April 5

My class had been cancelled
I am free for the whole day
However,the
I did not work much on my study
mainly sleep and eat.
LOL

After breakfast,
I went to apply credit card with mum
It was very fast

then
spent the remaining morning with mum
till my sis brought back her bf
They worked in the kitchen for lunch
then straight after lunch
they went out

Me slept for almost whole afternoon
and night
we went out for dinner
to make an early birthday celebration
and farewell
for the sis who will be leave for study in China

It was a great meal
full of excitement!
Hot, spicy, rich, sour,...
variety of tastes juggling around our taste buds
Yea, it was a Thai fest!
Everyone seems satisfied on that,
and kind of worry of the stomach tomorrow. :)

Anyway,
thanks for the wonderful meal!
and nice memory!
:) 

April 3

Actually I got something to continue from yesterday's thought
but I've forgotten
Now I only realized the power of now.

Never mind,
I just record down my thoughts today.

Today,
another start
I changed my mobile number,
though I was kind of heavy to let go my previous number
but I still go ahead.
This will be a great start of all.
Not because I was stalked
Not because that I do not like the number
I just want to get out from the previous me.
It was a tiring process to inform each of the friend
on the new number
Hope those who are not getting my update
can get me through others

I met for my advisor
on my fyp
checking on my percentage of plagiarism
Every of us less than 10%
which we are qualified for the criteria.

What else I want to say?

I guess I need to work very hard from now
till the end of the final
After final will be another thing to be busy on.
So much thing to do
& that busy me is back!

hahhaha!~

Thanks for granting me good physical health for this.
Thanks for giving me strong mental strengths to face this.
Thanks for being by my side whenever I need.
Thank you!!! <3

April 2

I was kind of worried and anxious
When this day approaching
Two reasons
First,
my personality class would be replaced by one lecturer that I know for a couple of time
This class caused me anxiety
might be caused by the reason that
I am really drained out by the lecturer
of his attitude in class
and his irresponsible left us without acknowledging us.

Second,
Today is the due date for my second draft
Seriously said
I am not completed it when I sent it
and it was about two hours late upon the time of submission
I blamed no one but myself
I could have done better
Just hope I can have slight amendments after getting it back

I never feel that stressed
and draining before
I worked till I felt heavy headache
nausea, and almost faint off

It was so not me!
I was once had a high retention towards stress and challenges
After the death
I just be the self like now
Low to zero motivation
Easily feel stressed
Low energy level
Easily give up
High neurotics
(upsets, angry, anxious, ...)

I want to be the happy me again
And I know I can!
^^

Just got a news from a friend
That he needs to sacrifice his plan
in met with something happened within his family.
As compared to his case,
I feel blessed
to have my lovely family
and supportive mom

People can perceive me
as I am a person who likes to follow own will and interest
But I know well
the reason behind
And mom taught me on this
"Be brave to ignore how others see you,
Just do something that you think it is right."
These words have given me enough courage to face the world
to stand up and fight back the challenges

Thanks mom for raising up!
Thanks friend who made me realized this.
Thanks to the lecturer who full of wisdom.
Thanks to my self, you have done your best! <3

April 1

I am so exhausted but I can't sleep!
Goshh...

Went back to home town yesterday morning
To prepare for this morning
visit to ancestors' grieve yard
I had a terrible sleep
And I couldn't function my brain well
I travel with my cousin
Who was lack of sleep
I kept my self alert
throughout the two hour driving
It was torturing me physically
Luckily the traffic was smooth

Did lots of things home
while waiting for other family members to be back
After an dinner
We went to visit my aunt
who underwent an accident

I am so tired now till
I couldn't support my eyelid
The most suffering part is
I couldn't control my head
It seems like keeps on spinning

Please let me out of this.
Thank you

March 29

No class today
After doing some amendments on my work
I began to do some researches on my trip
No doubt,
I want to clear my worry
on the Europe trip
I want to make it certain
It is a must-do-thing in this year
regardless how I going to make it true
#I do have a plan on it#

No special thoughts
Just understand that I need to do
little by little
each day
to achieve my aims

Good luck to me

Thanks for being by my side
Thanks for giving me a clear mind to think.

Good night!

March 26

I had insomnia last night
I realized that it was caused by
The stress that I am facing
in his class,
and dealing with him

Eventually
I received a news at the class
HE RESIGNED!
Is it a good one?
Or a bad one?
Really depends on how the students
want to perceive it.

After that
I went to workshop
to fix my car,
which had been crashed last Thursday.
I spent whole hour alone
and I realized that
I can be alone all the time
I enjoy being solitude
I enjoy having my own space
I am that kind.

Good or bad?
No comment.

I was not in good mood
Maybe due to my hormone
I lost my temper to dad
Pity him
Sorry dad

Slept for two hours
Felt better

Lay back now
Do not feel like doing anything
My life shall begin tomorrow.

Thanks all who inspired me today
Thanks for the help
Thanks for the understanding
Thanks for being by my side. :)

March 25

Today
is a beautiful day for me
just laying back
relaxing
and do everything that I like,
just like yesterday.

Yesterday was far more relax than today
cooked for my family
sleep, eat and watch tv
then shopped with my sis

today I can feel slight pressure for tomorrow
Pray for what I want
I want him to leave
No more bearing with him
You can say I am immature
but
I have had enough mentally torture from him
which is making me stop from progressing

the IMPACT from the accident
I can clearly feel it now
though long sleeping and resting for the whole weekend,
it still couldn't get me out from the pain
The spots that I applied patches
which can heal my injuries on the tendon
becoming itchy due to allergic

I do not like such sensitive skin.

Mum,
I can feel that you would miss and worry me when I go US later
BUT
I can tell you that
after facing so much of things these few years
I feel that leaving home for a long period of time
will never be the first choice of mine!
I can even feel reluctant to go out of the door
to meet my friend outside
I've made this tough decision to go once more
because I need to face and resolve
some internal issues within myself
This will be the last time I do such thing in my life

Thanks mum for the understanding!
thanks friends who never forget me though I always doing something wrong.
Thanks god that I am still alive after the accident!
Thanks to you who willing to spend time
            to understand me even we do not have time to meet. :)

March 23

Every time I do last minute work
I'll tell myself that
No next time
But
I always repeated the same mistake

I did a last minute work today
Again
For the first draft of my fyp
Woke up 4.30 in the morning
Coz I did nothing yesterday
Till 11 went to my dentist appointment
12 home had lunch
Before went to college to submit my draft

I can say
It was totally not a good one...

Got to be on bed now
My neck is feeling pain since morning
Hope I can really get well

Tomorrow onwards
No more last minute job
I want good to perfect job

Thank u to let me survive today.

March 22

I seriously believe that
I was having a good day
before I get into the car accident.
My car was suddenly crashed by another car
heavily when I stop by a junction
My spinal cord and neck receive most of the momentum
till I keep on feeling my head heavily
since 2pm till now 11pm

Luckily
I am fine
after seeing doctor.

Pray hard for myself that I can come out with my first draft.

Thanks for the companion, mum.

March 21

Time passes so fast.
I couldn't imagine how far I've been left out from it.
All I can do is just keep myself working and working.

Yesterday,
I was having lots to jot down here
but
I did not.
Now, I only realized,
I need to do it when I am having it
if not,
I couldn't remember
Like now,
I remember nothing which I wanna write it here
Let me slowly recall back...

Yup,
I got it!
I hate inconsistent!
When I was done with my part of group assignment
one of my group member told us that
we did it wrong again!!!
Yes! It's again!!
Thanks to the inconsistent lecturer
who has not given a clear guide
on what we should do for the assignment.
I shall never have such mistake as her!!!
& now I understand why people do not like inconsistent.

Second,
I feel sorry for my mum.
my life now do nothing
only focus on my study,
yet I did not do well on it.
So shame!
Mum works very hard
without asking for my help.
I should be considerate,
at least do well in my study.
Sorry mum.

Third,
I use up a long time
to get out from home
and go for dancing class.
Do I still can proceed on this journey?
I wonder.

TODAY
I woke up by few calls
few ridiculous calls
and it was ended by my sms
indicated that the next call/sms will brought him
to a police report.

I was having extra credit presentation in my group
I was too careless that I did not bring along my pendrive
It took me a long journey to get it printed
after downloaded from fb
which cannot be assessed in the college computer.
Luckily
my friend who works at marketing department helped me.
I am so blessed on this.

Continue the sense of guilt from yesterday
I really want to do something for the family
I am sad to see mum work until neglected her meal
Noway for this!!!

I need some time to fix this

Thanks mum for all
thanks god for the challenge and help.

I want to change!

March 17

St. Patrick day
What exactly is this?
I have no idea
Just know that it's a day to drink.
LOL

I am having a huge ulcer near my throat
I should now have no appetite for meal
In fact,
I ate a lot today.
My family and I
were having home made sushi as lunch
I had a lot.
Then dinner time I steamed a fish
on Thai style.
It was really nice
and I could not stop eating it.

What happened to my appetite?
Is that good or bad?

Anyhow,
I need to rest
and wake up early tomorrow.
to do my assignments
to be sent to my GM tomorrow.
Stop procrastinating.

Thanks Mum for the meal!
Thanks all~

March 16 II

My mind is more manageable now
So
Suddenly a thought came and struck me.
Obviously
I am craving for love.
Not from family,
it's from the intimate relationship between a girl and a boy.
However,
it seems hard for me,
because
I have not really let go the pain
from her leaving.

I admit that I am too fragile to be hurt
and
I think that is the reason
I couldn't get into a relationship now.

Smiles on my face
is hardly visible

Would getting into a relationship make me better?
I shall think of it.

March 16

I guess
I shall not stop writing this
and shall never stop doing reflection
(At least, I know where had I done wrong)

My deadlines are all coming to me
on next week.
This moment,
sitting in front of my lappy,
has no motivation to do even a single thing.
Finally I realized what is meant by learned helplessness.

Anyone could make me do my work?
Everyone told me that I am doing well
but Why couldn't me feel so?
I can only let you know that
I've lost my mind
I seems like a zombie,
moving without consciousness.

Though I am not so into horoscope,
but this time I want to interpret me in such way.
It's sad for a Sagittarius to lost his/her passion in life.
WHO CAN HELP ME FIND BACK MY LIFE?

The worst thing for today is
I am having a big ulcer
which led to no appetite to food,
my only way to make me feel better.

God bless.
I shall have a fixed religion,
maybe it can help me gone through this hard time.
I'll try to be positive!
More and more positive.

Thanks to all who willing to give me chances.
 

March 1-4

Time flies.

At first
I was thinking update this few days later
but I failed
I always failed in organizing my time well
ever since
I experience the bottom of my life.

"Fight or flight"
I chose flight.
I am experiencing a terrible life stress
which is making my body and mind maladaptive.
I can't really resist little stress on me.
Even sometimes I got a serious body pain, or sick
just because I am too stress.

March 1, Thursday

This day was a busy day for me
but I feel excited
because I am going for Redang trip tonight.

After class by 5pm,
I rushed home
Before reaching home,
I passed my textbook to my friend
I online to deliver an important message to my team
then packed up and had something filled in my stomach
before I went to take commuter to MidValley
where my friend would pick me up to join the trip

Had my long night in the bus.
It was freezing cold.

March 2, Friday

The bus stopped at few station
to let us go to wash-room.
We had our breakfast in the dawn
and went to the jetty
to hop on the boat to the island

The wave was huge
and I feel great to have the nice natural surrounding
It's so cool that I can get to the beach
after such a long time never visit any beach

After lunch
we had one snorkelling session
Unfortunately
it was raining
The worst case was
after the session
when we went back to our hotel room
our boat was jammed
due to some technical problems
We were all floating on the sea
which made us all nausea
and had a terrible memories

I was experiencing a serious cold
luckily
a friend brought in a bottle of wine
After consumed some wine
my body became better

Got a chance to talk to a newly know friend
for 2 hours
when I was going to sleep that time.
Slept after that with the nice breeze.

March 3, Saturday

A friend's birthday

Early in the morning
I planned to wake up early for sunrise
but it was raining heavily
Then when about breakfast time
I went to the canteen and met others
The birthday boy came and ask me
"Louise, you must have something to tell me right?"
I knew it was his birthday
but I never know that question was to gain my birthday wish
So after few attempt,
I only know that was what he wanted.

Joined another snorkelling trip
So dizzy.
After this
I just went for a nice bath and then
lunch before a long nap.
Sleep again...

Night
went to a room of guys
watching movie and had some wine with them
Actually I do not mind I was the only girl
but I really scared how people perceive me
Initially planned to have a whole body massage
but booking full.
Have some nice photographs
and nice walk along the beach.
How cool if I can meet my mr. right over there.
So romantic.

After two drinks
all the guys were tired
I just went to join other friends
I was so lucky to see
a drunk friend doing some funny things in the public
No doubt, I had a great night.

March 4, Sunday

After praying hard last night
I had my wish come true
which is
no raining in the morning
However
I still couldn't see the sunrise
of the heavy cloud!
Nice to walk on the sandy beach
listening to the wave though

Left the island without bringing anything
just with the nice memories
with that bunch of friends

Having few stops on the way home
stop for local products, souvenirs, lunch and dinner
Reach home about midnight.

thanks to all who gave me such a wonderful memories! <3

March 12

I am admitting that
MY ATTITUDE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

I feel so tired,
yet fed up.
I have lost my passion
and my direction
I feel that I am nothing now.

How am I going to resolve this?
I hate this me.
I wanna get out from this
Why it's just so hard?
TT

I know she never wants to see me like this
but I just couldn't control my emotions

I want to stand up now.
It's been a long time I walk through this
It'd dragged me a year plus
It's enough
I must stand up and beat it
the emotions
which influence my attitudes toward life.

Come on, Louise
 This is just a little challenge that you ever face
Remember how you endure some big challenges last time?
Remember how was your attitude last time?
I am having strong faith on you
that you can!
You are nobody else
but solely yourself!
The strong, tough, determined, and resilient person
Keep going!

Thanks to friends who are still staying with me,
bearing my worst attitudes.
Thanks mum for keep on encouraging me
on the journey of healing.

March 5

I gotta accept all this
No blaming on others
And I really willing accept this fact

I did not prepared well for my exam today,
Basically I've failed my exam today
I have little upset
But this is expected.

I shall work very hard now.
At least I want to pass it!

Thanks to this little challenge!

Feb 29- Once in four years

Time passes so fast

and one more four years gone.

After so much of experiences in life

I found out that 

I am having difficulties in making decision

especially when I have to make any selection

Luckily

on the coming trip to US

I no need to decide so much

because

I've planned well and stand firm on it

However

today's decision to be made that moment

really made me suffered so much

A trip to Redang Island this weekend

versus

next week mid-term exams

The trip is organized by a NGO,

non-profit youth organization.

Yet, the trip costs lesser than the usual package

and it is somehow significant for me to join.

I got my reason

but I do not know how to explain it here.

My mid-term exams

I am kind of worry on the exams

as I never experience the format of the professor

I might be doing something he likes

or the other way round

I keep on telling myself that

I have to be well-prepared when I entered into the exam halls

If I join the trip

I might be having less time to do revision

But if I don't

I feel like I am overstressed

and making me less productive

(Mum said I am trying to find excuses to go out and play)

At last,

I promised to join.

Good or Bad?

I'll take this as challenge to me

to balance out my study stress and leisure.

So 

I am going to work hard on Monday's paper now.

All the best, Louise!

Thanks sis who talked to me.

Thanks mum

thanks to the friends

thanks to all~

Feb 28

I seriously feel that I am in need of rest.
The stress level on my body
is making my body function poorly

I seems like easily get hurt
on my joints
Today,
after I went back from the college
I tried hard not to have any nap
and the result was bad
I couldn't feel anything when I forced myself to stay alert
Even my eyes could not open
Then I went for a short nap
just for half and hour
That made me feel worst
I was having aches all around my body
and I was hesitate to go for my dancing class
Actually it is just a practice for the group
Lastly,
I went for it.
Though it was not helping much
but at least
I step out from my bed

It was the toughest time of the day

I am really exhausted

Thanks to my body which alerts me to rest
thanks to mum who stay with me.

Feb 27

I had a tough night
Struggled with my sleep again.
I reluctant to wake up for my work
as I believe I need  proper rest
I could not take my resting time for my work
I have to take very good care on my body
If not,
how am I going to convince mum that
I'll take good care of my self when I live alone oversea?

I have thought of her,
my dear lil sis.
The moment my mind flashed of her
my tears was rolling by my eyes.
I miss her
and
I realized that
It has been a long time I do not spend my time
thinking of her.
I've slowly walk into a life without her
which initially I refuse to do so.
For many people around me,
I am a step forward;
but for my own view
she'd been gone far.
It's hard to describe the feeling right now,
and I'll just allow myself
to dip into it when I feel like doing so.

Let's talk on another topic.
He is a good lecturer
who can guide us on a proper research method
Just that
sometimes he is too subjective.
It's hard to deal with this kind of personality
You will never know which criteria would fulfill his requirements
I have little to no sense of security
under this lecturer
Anyway,
I really appreciate
everything that I've been learned from him
and his efforts to make us grow.
Thanks so much, prof!

I had a great session on being solitude today.
After class
I went to a book store nearby my college
I was really enjoy the moments
reading the books
and wondering alone
I've chosen two books
and planned to purchase them by using the book voucher
At last,
I failed
just because I've forgot to bring along my IC
So sad

My thighs are still in pain
muscle pain which makes me hard to squad down or sit
That's the lamest reason I skipped my dancing class today.
Sad case
I'm that irresponsible now

One more issue
which raise my concern and I do not agree,
is a bunch of friends
changing own face book profile picture
into an idol face
just to celebrate a friend's birthday.
Maybe you can say I am subjective
but I can tell you that  
it has no point to do so.
What I feel is just that
"funny"
Sorry if I've offended anyone of you
and
thanks for letting me know
that our thinking are having a huge gap
and we will never got together
unless one side willing to tolerate

Thanks for all for the day
Thanks for letting me got a chance to talk to a long-missed friend
thanks for giving me opportunity to walk alone,
and do something I like.
Thanks my family for spending wonderful moments with me.

^^

Feb 26

Count-down 
for my fyp submission : 25 days
Documents for visa: 18 days
Mid term: 8 days

I planned to wake up early for my study

but I failed

Last night,

I was facing difficulties in my sleeping

I hate this

but I chose to stay on bed

as to cultivate my sleeping habit

and to avoid sleeping disorders

I couldn't read much on the book

yet,

I admit that I did not study properly today

Come on

8 more days to mid term

I am still like "I don't care"

This really sucks!

How?

Thank you.

Feb 25

Count-down 
for my fyp submission : 26 days
Documents for visa: 19 days
Mid term: 9 days


I failed to meet my own deadline again.
I promised myself to make my chapter 1, 2, &3
done by today,
but I failed


I woke up late
just the time for lunch
I mean the time to prepare lunch
After lunch
I was too tired
Then followed by my dentist session
The dentist gave me a dose of anaesthesia
to lower the pain on my tooth.
The dose made me felt blur the whole evening.
And I did not do anything on my study.


Anyway


thanks to the dentist
because she was so gentle
and broke my impression that dental surgery is a horrible one.
hahaha~

Feb 24

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 27 days
Documents for visa: 20 days
Mid term: 10 days

I have something which I scared
But have to face today.
It's the dentist session.
I just have fear toward it.
I do not feel like going for it.
At last
I walked into a dentist
Unfortunately
The quota is full
And I have to visit tomorrow.

Evening dancing class time
My mind was kept on appearing
With some thoughts
Dancing is not what I want.
I might have the heart to learn
I might have the passion to dance
But I have to admit that
Dancing cannot be the career of mine.
It was my dream to have it as my career
But now it can only be my hobby
My situation now is just like below
Body of the young age
Thinking like an adult
Heart like a nanny.
My heart is suppressing me
to grow in my dancing skills
However
I just do not feel like leaving
The studio lets me know my self better
Allows me to learn from the beginning
And provides me some level on sense of belonging

Screwed the thought!
I will still proceed with my dream.

When can I meet him?
I am getting tired to face all this by my own.
Please come
accompany me through me life. :)

Thanks mum and other family.
Thanks to my dancing teacher
Thanks to all of you. <3

Feb 23

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 28 days
Documents for visa: 21days
Mid term: 11 days

I purposely went to college earlier
For my dentist session
I thought this would be the final one for this year
but it's not!
I have a big hole on one of the big tooth
Which need a bigger surgery
but it's not provided in the college.
Feel helpless @@

No appetite at all

Lunch met with my close friend
And spend our time together
though we are close
But I still felt uneasy when the time we spent together getting longer
Maybe I am still in my comfort zone
where I still can't get out of the shadow

Today class
was neither interesting nor boring
But the whole class was been scolded by the learning attitudes
Forgive them
Malaysia's culture
which focus on exam grade
cultivated the generation become like this.
Sad case

After class
The lecturer gave us some task
For our extra credits
It's research to find out every single journal articles
under one journal
To form an Archie
for future research use.
Some said this is unfair to those
who are going to grade
But I think this is fine
because
this is a fair deal
where u accept something
and give something back in return.

I was too tired
But still sending out my questionnaire
One by one
A total of 50
If I could get back all,
Half of my sample done!

Thanks to the dentist for the patience
Thanks to a friend who offer me help
Thanks to the lecturer
Thanks to friends who help me in the survey.

Feb 22

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 29 days
Documents for visa: 22 days
Mid term: 12days

I had a class by 11 morning
Went out from home earlier
But I still got into my class late.
Reason?
I couldn't find any parking
inside the college, Cova,
and even roadside were full.
The college keeps on take it more students
But never think of the issue of car parking
So ironic!
Luckily,
This is my last semester in this college.

After class
I had a group discussion
then went back.
Before home,
I went to a watch shop to fix my watch
It's been a long time
I do not wear watch on my wrist
It has become a habit of mine
to take out my phone and check out the time.
This is definitely not a good one!
Change!

When I reach home
I was too tired and wanted to rest
Suddenly a thought come out
And I need to find out some stuff
Since that moment
I scoured on all the possible areas
to find it.
It was tiring
and after that
I am strengthless to put my energy on study
So I play games with my sis
Then got up onto my bed

Thanks for the obstacles I meet today!

Feb 21

I woke up early for my last min work
The feeling is terrible
Everything uncertain

Met my advisor for my senior project
After that I only realized
that I have only four weeks to complete it
which I think it's little
and not sufficient for me
to balance between
my study (other subjects)
Dancing
My preparation for work and travel
(documents, visa & flight tickets)
Some more,
I need to help my mum
on her work in some extent.
(I know I am not a good daughter
Always leave the family
and go fate to travel
So
As long as I am here
I got to spend more time with them
On simply daily chores like
Chatting
Watch tv
Meals
Games
Offer help when they need

Count-down
for my fyp submission : 30 days
Documents for visa: 23 days
Mid term: 13 days

Good luck, Louise
Stop procrastinating
And work very hard
For your As

Thanks mama for the day
Thanks others who stay by me today
Thanks to my lecturer who helped me
Thanks friends who helped me
Thanks for giving me energy to continue my journey!

Feb 20

I met so many people today
and I am having lots of thoughts today.

I met with a close friend
(here not mean we are always sticking together,
  but we know and understand each other well)
I've shared a lot
and had a nice chat with her.
It has been a long time we have not talk to each other.
Missing those moments
She gave a an useful tip
on getting motivated on my study
that is "get started"
When you get started, you would continue the job.
It's so true!

Previously
I keep on thinking
whether what path I need to choose
after I graduate

Today
I strongly make my stand that
no matter how
I will proceed with my dream
on being a real psychology
which is involved in counselling

I am not suit to be a dancer
after today's class
dancing can be my hobby
but not passion and career
I'm not physically fit any more

Anyway
thanks for the teacher who teach me the dancing skills
and thanks to my dear friend who inspired me
thanks to everything and everyone I meet today!

Feb 19- An Interview day

I was not really nervous on the interview
Just that the room temperature made me feel uneasy.
Ohya,
I went for an interview,
with the employer from US
for my Work and Travel program
in this coming summer.
I had it this afternoon
at Shangri-la Hotel, KL.

It was a cool event
when I get to know so many people out there.
And some even going to the same place with me.
Besides,
I got to know some friends from facebook too!

When I talked to a girl
who had travelled around Europe last time,
I found out the Europe is not a safe place for backpackers
which the girl had been robbed for several times.
She illustrated the scene for us
with her tears rolling in her eyes.
It should be an shocking experience for her.
Hope my journey will be all safe and blessed.

Yet,
I have no motivation on my research by now
Still procrastinating.
Come on!
You gotta work very hard now!

Thanks to all I have.
Thanks to people around me who help me up.
Thanks to the luck I have which takes me along the journey safely.

Feb 18

I am watching a movie
A love story about homosexual and heterosexual
It touches my heart
And suddenly
I feel I am deeply in need of love.
The love here is refer to
relationship between a girl and a boy.

I had a casting this afternoon
for a tv commercial.
It's not easy
on the solo part
and I was nervous till I couldn't breath
(by the way, the air ventilation really sucks!)
I know it was terrible
but I gotta accept it.
Maybe I am not the type
Who suit to be on stage.

Anyhow
Thanks to all!

Feb 17

can I free from doing reflection today?
Scared to face my emotions.

It's never easy
but it will be hard
if you never do so.

I spent a whole day with my mum and dad
working something out on their jobs
Nice day,
I would say.
But I forgo my time to spend on my study
because
at night
I still have my dancing class for couples of hours
It was a good one
and I was enjoying so much
(Just that I am not expressing on my face)

It's important to know our body well
I realized that I've not spending time to know my body
since long time ago.
I shall now slowly catch it back.

Tonight,
I am feeling that
a strong energy is approaching me
which I know that the energy
is giving me the strength
to walk towards my dreams
I am walking towards my dreams
They are going to be real very soon.

Gratitudes to mum & dad & other family
thankful to my dancing teacher
and my fellow mates.
Thanks to all!

Feb 16

So much to say today!
:)

Bit by bit...

First of all,
I want to ask,
Do you feel bored on this?
(I need response here to improve and for the future me.)

Second,
I just realized that
I am having a huge contradiction within myself.
I want to go travel for half year soon
and
I feel that it is hard to get out of my home.
I just feel like staying home
for my family precious time and mum's everyday dishes.
I just cannot resist the temptation of those home-cook food.
Soon, I'll be living without this for half year.
Thanks mum for all of this!

Third,
today's lecture was kind of boring for me.
I suddenly realized that
the lecturer is quit subjective in some sense.
I am not blaming him on this,
but I hope he will have some changes on this.
I do not like the presentation today,
zero interaction and dull presentation
yet, the lecturer said it was awesome.
I bet he was just referring to the content of the slides.
SAD

Forth,
Another question to you again
DO I LOOK TOTALLY DIFFERENT
FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU MET ME AND THE TIME YOU GET TO KNOW ME BETTER?
Funny
When I get to know I got such big difference from most of the friends.
Anyhow,
do not judge the book by its cover.
That's my favourite quote
and I am practising it.

I got to peace my mind and start
to do my revision for mid-term exams
and do my research
preparation for my Sunday's interview
and also the casting on a commercial show.

So much to do.

Not to forget
to help my mum on some extend.

Thanks for granting parts of my dreams come true.
Thanks for letting me clear on my own strengths and weaknesses.
Thanks for giving me a chance to learn.

Feb 15

It's been few days
I have not doing any reflections
and express my gratitude

I gotta do it.
No more procrastinating

I am doing research on my journey to US and Europe
so exciting on that!

I plan to go on several places in Europe
Rome
Venice
Pisa
Milan
Paris
Belgium
London
---If got time, I want to visit to Provence
     to see the wide lavender field

US
still planning and got time to plan
so no need to worry
since I only plan 2 weeks spend in Europe,
so must do it properly now

so much of thing to be done
as a preparation for this trip
1. renew my passport
2. fill all the forms and documents
3. check on the flight tickets
4. have vaccination on flu and hepatitis B
5. plan on Europe trip properly before booking the flight
6. remember to get convocation application done
7. get prepared with this Sunday's interview
8. Get prepared mentally and emotionally
9. packing my luggage
10. do a checklist for this

My mind is now occupy by this now.
It's a stress, but a eustress
A term I learned today,
which means that it would brings positive consequences

I do need to schedule my time
on my study and preparation for the trip.

All the best, Louise

Thanks to all
Thanks mum for the meal!
thanks to friends who helped me
Thanks to my companion for the trip!

Feb 10

I suppose to get my first and second chapter done by today
But I failed again.
However,
I am on the right track.
Got to work hard this weekend.
I wanna score A for this!

After meeting my advisor for my fyp
I went to The Curve alone
To have some book reading
To pick up some books with my
RM 200 book voucher
When I was concentrating in reading a book,
Suddenly a person walked approaching me
and I felt threatened.
Eventually,
He is my best friend cum brother.
It has been a long time
I did not catch up with him.
We had a chat about 30 minutes
And then i rushed home for my dancing class

The class is great
But my mind just forgetful.
Thanks to the teacher for the awesome class!

Thanks to my lecturer on advising me
Thanks mum for the great meal
Thanks the best friend for the time.
Thanks the world letting me know this world is great!

I feel grateful today!
And everyday! :)

Feb 9

It was a tough day for me
Physical and emotional draining
But
I enjoy the lesson
I'd learned a lot.
Thanks for that!

Feb 8

I had a bad sleep last night
whole day MIGRAINE
It's so torturing!

I couldn't do my work
and couldn't concentrate

I am going to hand in my work tomorrow
and present tomorrow
It seems like I am not prepared yet.

I do not like such me!
Please
Please do not procrastinate anymore!
You are not afford to loose
Please

All the best!

Feb 5

Sunday
shall be a day spend with family
but I spent it mostly with friends

I had a Chinese New Year gathering
with a non-profit NGO organisation
which I involved in volunteering jobs.
I went with two of my sis and my cousins

Enjoy the event so much
and I won several prizes for the event.
After that went to shop around Times Square
I am figuring the reason
why I could not buy anything out of that.

After home
I had my dinner
and depart to USJ
for a friend's house warming

went home earlier as
I was too tired

Had a short wine session with family
nice one

thanks for everything today! :)

Feb 4

Stay home for the whole day time
and went out at night.

Went for a gathering with my form 6 best friends
A steamboat dinner
then went for a cup of tea in a friend's house
and then went for a mid-night karaoke session

It was tiring
but I enjoy it so much. :)

Thanks to my family
and friends for the day! :)

Feb 7

OMG!!!
I missed 3 days journals!
What have I done?
Why am I so lazy?
Or forgotten?

I do not know.
I gotta do it tonight.

Start from today first
I had a great day, it is undeniable!

I went to 1U MCD and meet my friends
on group discussion for substance abuse class.
I am the earliest one.
Though it is not done,
but we have a clear idea on what we should do.

After that I went to UOA Bangsar
for a small gathering
I got to know a lot of nice people
and I stay a chance to know different experiences from different people.
Every experience is so unique and nice
I shall plan my coming journey well
and enjoy to the max. :)

I love one of the previous participant's video on her journey.
So nice
It inspired me to do a video log in my coming trip.

I want to go USA
and bring back lots of wonderful memories
and I want to go certain places of EUROPE!
I wanna go!

Anyway, I had a great day~ :)

Thanks to all~

Feb 3

Yiiiiiii......
I must confess before I say anything for today.
I did nothing according to my schedule
and of course
I neglected my research.
What am I doing now?
I would hangout for this weekend
and even next week.
Erm...
I think I gotta sacrifice my sleep later for my proposal.

Though I did not do enough for myself
but I like the day so much!
It's just wonderful!

I have no class today
so after I woke up
just help up mum on the lunch
We are having the minced meat stuffed in some vegetables
and it's also known as yong tao fu

After lunch
went shopping with mum and lil sis
and then went home had a short nap
Night,
went for my dancing class
a foundation on popping and hip hop.
Love the classes so much
and the classes make me realized that
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY BODY YET.
so sad

I learned a lot.
and it's interesting for me

I am feeling great
and I feel like I got back my enthusiasm in my life
by this dancing
and simply dream

About the dream
I wish I can go to certain places in Europe
after my work and travel in US
Sounds crazy but I know it's workable.
I feel so great to have an aim.
A big one.

and now,
I shall work hard on my study first.
I wanna get 4 flat this sem.

Alright,
got to go

Thanks to the world
thanks to mum who support on all my decisions
thanks to the teacher on my dancing
thanks to friends who support me always

Good night! <3

Feb 2

I guess I feel great today!
Hey! Why so uncertain?
Alright, I feel great today!
Though I missed to see dentist for my rotten tooth;
my pc not being installed with Ms Office;
I missed my new Waacking class.
and I am now need to sacrifice portion of my sleep
in order to download something I need
into my newly formatted pc.

I went early to class
to meet up my friend and get back my pc
Then planned to visit the dentist but failed.
did some researches on group work
Went for lunch alone
Met a Korean girl
who share me something about Christianity and the passover
and dragged me half an hour.
Class
Nice presentation by a friend
Like the entire class so much
After class
had a 2 hours chat with a new friend
quite nice

Unable to get back on time for the waacking class
so rest at home
and do something necessary to my mini lappy
Eventually found that
a girl had visited to many countries in Europe
Suddenly wish to be like her
though I have no sufficient money.
I want to go to
PARIS
MILAN
VENICE
PRAGUE
GREECE
LONDON
ROME
AMSTERDAM

Make it my goal then.
Work hard, very hard on it!
and SOON you will get it!

Good luck, Louise

Thanks to all who brought me a great day
and thanks to you as making my dreams approaching
fast


^^

Feb 1

The first day of another new month.
I definitely had a great day
Woke up early to prepare for my class
Enjoying the class
Then went home for lunch
Having short reading
A long nap
Dinner
Then went for a movie with my friends

How wonderful if my life
Is just peace and well scheduled like that

After the movie
My friends invited me for a drink nearby
It's a culture in this country
To sit together, have some drinks
and talk about each other updates
I am not refuse to practice this
But not too often for me
Once in a blue moon
will be good,
without the need to have late at night

After so many things which I experienced,
I realized that night time
is the most precious time for me
For me to spend with my family
to relax, or even to ponder
And to reflect
I miss those moments
few years back when I have such practice
And now I am slowly gaining it back.

Thanks to the lovely lecturer!
Thanks to my members for the group!
Thanks to my beloved family!
Thanks to friends who spend time and watch movie with me.

Good night and good day ahead! :)

Jan 31

The last day of January
I passed my entire month
Just like that

I had a tough day
And I am the one who should responsible on this
I do last minutes job
And couldn't even finish it on time

I feel disappointed on my self
I will never progress if I continue to be like this
I must change
I must do things and submit on time
I must do my part nicely

Thanks for the lecturer
Thanks for my friends
Thanks to mum and dad
For being understanding

I promise I will change
And would not repeat the silly mistake again

Jan 30

First day back to college after the break
My mind was not with me in the class
I was worrying on my thesis.
Tomorrow is the due date for draft and I did 0%

Should I be frank
I hate this me
Keep on procrastinating.
When I can finish the draft?

I skip my dancing class
Still
I sit back and watch tv
just because something stuck in my mind.
I am bad right?
I want to be excel and
I do not give enough effort to achieve it.

tonight is the 8th night of CNY
the Hokkien people praying midnight
for the 9th day of CNY
they called it as "Bai Tian Gong"
It's a happening night
with lots of fireworks and firecrackers
But those really torture my eardrums and my heart.
Boom, Bomm... Bibap, bap, bibap,bibap....

I want back my tranquility
I still need to do my homework.
God bless~

Jan 29

Happy birthday everyone!
It's the seventh day of CNY
And according to Chinese tradition
it's the day that human being made up by the goddess.

Happy birthday to my closest friend
Seow Ying
As well

I had a peace day
Doing my research
Then went to grandma's home
Dinner with my friends
At a friend's house
We had yee sang
and lit two Kong Ming Lantern
Had a great time with them.

Thanks to all
Grant me the happiness. ^^

Jan 28

I shall have my work done by today
But frankly say
I still have nothing on my paper.

I did lots of researches
and meanwhile
enjoying my researches on the US trip
(I am so into it now)

I feel so free to do what i want today
No worries, no anxieties
Keep on browsing the web
reading
eating
and
writing
(writing for my journal, and planning)

Tomorrow will be the last day for me to do my draft

God bless me this time.

thanks for giving me a wonderful day.

^^

Jan 22- Reunion Dinner

Usually
previous years we often have it as dinner
though we tried twice as lunch before
(due to the reason my sis was working on CNY eve.)

This year
we have it as a lunch.
We had a steamed fish, a whole bird chicken,
prawns, a soup and some vege.
The meal was heavy for us
since we have only 6 members.

After lunch
mum still continue her job
as she wanted to finish it today
then she can rest longer for the break.

At night
I made a yee sang by the helps of my bro and sis.
Then uncle and cousins came by
with another box of yee sang.
We had all of it
and enjoy so much.
That yee sang I made is more towards vege type
more healthy.

After all,
enjoy the fireworks when the clock hit 12.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Sorry if I'd done wrong for the previous year
and thanks for everything that you give me.

                                            The bigger colorful plate is prepared by me. Nice?

Jan 23- 1st day of CNY

Frankly say,
I am not enjoying this festival anymore,
except for the food.
I have lost a family member
which I've celebrate this festival with her for 17 years.
Felt like missing something.

Second,
I do not gamble
on my own personal reason (not religion)
During CNY
people around me tend to gamble a lot
Then I will just stay away from them

Anyhow,
I love those moments spent with my family
and relax without doing anything

Today,
we planned to visit Dong Zen Temple at Jenjarom
after our seafood dinner.
We left from home by 6pm
heading to Klang for our seafood dinner.
Unfortunately,
the restaurant that we wish to have dinner was closed
So, we found another restaurant for dinner.

The restaurant that we had dinner was kind of old
and for me
it is not matching my hygiene level.
The food is on satisfactory level
and I love the steamed fish head the most.
However,
the dinner costs us a lot.

After that,
we went to see the lighting at Dong Zen Temple.
For me,
the lighting and crafts were just common for me,
but I like the flowers planted around the temple.
They are just so nice!

Enjoy the day so much!
Thanks to you all~

The door is made up by recycle bottles. So nice!

Love you~ <3














 

Jan 24- 2nd day of CNY

Chinese New Year should be a happy day
but I am not happy for the day.

My adapter for my laptop burned this morning.
wonder why every time when I have something urgent to due
I must have to face some difficulties like
laptop broken, adapter spoil, network problems
even
laptop jam and I need to redo everything from the top
just because my work was not saved.

I believe
these are all my stepping stone,
to test on my abilities.
Am I right?

I shall try to be more positive like last time
before the incident.
Nothing could stop me except myself.
I shall find back my passion
towards everything that i want to achieve;
and stop blaming for unnecessary reasons.

I can, right?

Went to visit grandma
and spent the whole day with her.
The CNY atmosphere is not longer like last time.
Missed those moments.

Jan 25- 3rd day of CNY

I do not know whether I should describe this
as fortune or bad luck,
My laptop adapter burned yesterday.
Every time when I am headache on my work
I am sure something will come out
and pull me back.
All these are trying to test me?
I wonder.

After brunch,
I went to Low Yat Plaza
with my mum, bro and sis
to buy my new charger for laptop.

After that,
we walked to Pavilion.
Mum and my cute lil bro and sis
never went there before.
When we passed by before we reached Low Yat
we saw plenty of bear sculptures line up in front of Pavilion.
This really attracted us to visit Pavilion.

Eventually,
we realized that
are the bears called United Buddy Bears
which bring the message of
peace for the younger generations.
Those bears are done by artists from different countries
Each bear has the uniqueness of each country.
So meaningful.

We took lots of pictures
and we had a great day!

Fountain in front of Pavilion.

My twin bro and sis.

I miss her cheerful smile~

One of my favorite country~

I love Malaysia~ <3

Can you see the queue of the bears?

my lovely lil bro and sis. Do them look alike?

Bear with Einstein's quote and portrait.

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."

The grand dragon in Pavilion.

Thanks to you all~ <3