New Life is Just Began~

Yea.
I mean today.
SO SO tired posting out this
but yet,
I feel I got to finish this
to cherish myself
who start to find back
some value of life.

I had a full schedule
which is began from this month.
Sometimes, I would miss those days
which I can really relax and do according to my interest.

Today,
after my class,
went to do some researches
Then
Went for a movie with a previous student,
which I really reluctant to go initially
because
for me, watching movie is just a waste of time.
No choice,
I promised him long time ago.

After that,
rest awhile and went to work for two hours.
After working,
rushed to college for a dance performance practice

Then now
resting,
surfing the net,
uploading the vids
and updating my blog
(this is the most important one)

Mum just said that
You can never finish your jobs on hands,
because
when you finish this,
other things will come.
It's common.
You got to do is
to manage your time
to make your job flow smoothly.

She inspired me
but also upset me,
I thought I can finish my job one day later.

:)

Anyway,
Thanks!

Fear and Tears

How long have you been live without fear?
Even tears?

If there was no any surprise in my recent life,
I guess my answer would be,
about ten years.

I was a pretty tough person,
who I think nothing should be fear on,
and nothing happens can gain my tears.
I'd forgotten what is the feeling when I drop my tears.

I was wrong when I deal with the loss lately.
I am not as tough as I think
I am not the one who can live without tears
I am not the one has no fears.
I am just a normal person,
& I deserve to drop my tears when I feel to.

I have the rights!

Please allow me to drop my tears in front of you,

when I feel weak.

I have been strong enough for long long time. 

Thanks~

I can feel it!

Guess what?
I can feel it's back!
Don't be panic,
this is a good thing,
just that I am not ready for it.

I am feeling it's back.
That me,
I mean the previous self.
I can strongly feel the aura
I wish I could doubt it,
but I couldn't.

I am really back,
No matter how I want to deny it.
I am not ready for that yet.
TT

What should I do?
Just follow it?
I am worry.
can I cope it?
The previous me was too strong,
until the extend
I became deaf and
couldn't hear the voices
from my heart and body.

I know this is definitely my destiny,
I need to face it,
and work along with it.

Maybe I shall not think that much.

Sorry on my blunt language,
I've forgotten the way to express my self,
after hide in the cocoon for so long.
& I believe,
I am transforming,
and getting ready to the next stage of my life,
like the butterfly~

## thanks for being bear with me##
 

What A wonderful night~

What a wonderful night!

What is the image appears in your mind when you hear such words?
A real wonderful night?
or
A sarcastic sentence?

Last Tuesday,
I did have a wonderful night.
(Friends who were with me, and who are able to access to this,
they might think I am being sarcastic here. But, I am not. Listen to me first.)

That evening,
12 of us went to Puchong to celebrate for a friend's 21st birthday.
We departed from the college by 4 cars.
Eventually,
when we were reaching the destination,
one of the car was being crashed by another car from behind.
Fortunately, nobody was injured
and there is only some minor damages on the car boot.

Due to the reason that the car owner is young and lack of such experience,
some of us were stood in the middle of the road
and talk to the driver from the other car.

It was a terrible experience.
It was a totally dangerous act to be like that.
All the cars were none stop passing by,
and the motorcycles passed through the traffic in a moderate speed.

They'd got the plat number, driver's name and ID,
but still staying at the spot.
We will never know what will happen in the middle of the road.
Robbery, another car accident, or .....
However, it dragged us almost an hour
yet, the case not settle.

I could not bear the risk and called all to get into the cars,
then move the cars.
It would be a wise option to leave the place as soon as possible,
then go to report the case in the nearest police station within 24 hours.


After that, we, in the car which is being crashed,
separate from the other, who were going for the dinner,
went to report for the case.

This dragged us the whole night,
and it was being done by the mid of the night.
I have no special feeling till the moment
when we were done,
the other friends reached the place we were,
and brought us some food,
giving the emotional support to the owner of the car.
This touches my heart deeply.

After all, I just want to jot down this night on here.
LOL~
Feel blessed we all fine.
Thank you, friends.

Reflection~

Where can we see our reflections?
Obviously
the mirror!


Previously,
I like to see my own reflection through the mirror
and
I also like to do reflection on what I did
and what had I learned
for the whole day
That was, the previous me.

Now,
I rarely look through the mirror.
I do not like to do so.
I always see the ugly me in the mirror
whenever I see into the mirror.
Eyes with no sparks,
face with no smile...

I dare not to do reflection at night as well
I scared if I do,
I would not be able to control my tears,
then there would be another sleepless night.

Besides,
I also cannot understand why
my body always feel tired.
The tiredness is really unbearable
until I do not want to do anything
but laying on the bed
day dreaming, reading, or sleeping.

Sigh...

"Resting is to prepare us for a further journey."
I bet I'd rest enough
though I still feel tired.

How?

Tell me that I CAN!
I wish I really can.
Lots of dreams to be accomplish,
Lots of promises to be fulfill,
Lots of nice places to be visit,
Lots of nice people on earth to be meet.

blessed~

self-worth~

I really clueless on this..... 
frankly say,
when you ask me where I find this,
I will just answer you 
"people around me" 
This is definitely so not me! 
Yet I can't do anything against it. 
I could not feel my worth.... 
Anywhere; Anytime. 


I was once always live with clear aims, 
now no more. 
I wish I could back to those old days
not the memories, 
but to be that ego self 
who know clear about the worth of the self. 

I am lost yet feel in deep horror. 
I dare not to face any changes in the real life 
keeping my self in the wonderful dreaming land. 
 I know I shall now open up my eyes 
and step into the real world. 
My body just could not work according to my thinking. 

I am failing. 
First time in my life I admit that I am a loser. 
a person who dare not to face the challenges. 


 What shall I do? 
 Giving myself more time? 
 Time flies. 


Is this condition happens due to the loss? 
I wish it is, 
and it is only the transitional state. 
How long will this persist? 
Shall I fight or live along with this? 
Lots of unanswered questions are waiting for me. 
My mind is junking up with plenty of questions 
and things to be done. 
Wish I can live with all these peacefully. 


I won't be mad right? 

  BLESSED.~