March 29

No class today
After doing some amendments on my work
I began to do some researches on my trip
No doubt,
I want to clear my worry
on the Europe trip
I want to make it certain
It is a must-do-thing in this year
regardless how I going to make it true
#I do have a plan on it#

No special thoughts
Just understand that I need to do
little by little
each day
to achieve my aims

Good luck to me

Thanks for being by my side
Thanks for giving me a clear mind to think.

Good night!

March 26

I had insomnia last night
I realized that it was caused by
The stress that I am facing
in his class,
and dealing with him

Eventually
I received a news at the class
HE RESIGNED!
Is it a good one?
Or a bad one?
Really depends on how the students
want to perceive it.

After that
I went to workshop
to fix my car,
which had been crashed last Thursday.
I spent whole hour alone
and I realized that
I can be alone all the time
I enjoy being solitude
I enjoy having my own space
I am that kind.

Good or bad?
No comment.

I was not in good mood
Maybe due to my hormone
I lost my temper to dad
Pity him
Sorry dad

Slept for two hours
Felt better

Lay back now
Do not feel like doing anything
My life shall begin tomorrow.

Thanks all who inspired me today
Thanks for the help
Thanks for the understanding
Thanks for being by my side. :)

March 25

Today
is a beautiful day for me
just laying back
relaxing
and do everything that I like,
just like yesterday.

Yesterday was far more relax than today
cooked for my family
sleep, eat and watch tv
then shopped with my sis

today I can feel slight pressure for tomorrow
Pray for what I want
I want him to leave
No more bearing with him
You can say I am immature
but
I have had enough mentally torture from him
which is making me stop from progressing

the IMPACT from the accident
I can clearly feel it now
though long sleeping and resting for the whole weekend,
it still couldn't get me out from the pain
The spots that I applied patches
which can heal my injuries on the tendon
becoming itchy due to allergic

I do not like such sensitive skin.

Mum,
I can feel that you would miss and worry me when I go US later
BUT
I can tell you that
after facing so much of things these few years
I feel that leaving home for a long period of time
will never be the first choice of mine!
I can even feel reluctant to go out of the door
to meet my friend outside
I've made this tough decision to go once more
because I need to face and resolve
some internal issues within myself
This will be the last time I do such thing in my life

Thanks mum for the understanding!
thanks friends who never forget me though I always doing something wrong.
Thanks god that I am still alive after the accident!
Thanks to you who willing to spend time
            to understand me even we do not have time to meet. :)

March 23

Every time I do last minute work
I'll tell myself that
No next time
But
I always repeated the same mistake

I did a last minute work today
Again
For the first draft of my fyp
Woke up 4.30 in the morning
Coz I did nothing yesterday
Till 11 went to my dentist appointment
12 home had lunch
Before went to college to submit my draft

I can say
It was totally not a good one...

Got to be on bed now
My neck is feeling pain since morning
Hope I can really get well

Tomorrow onwards
No more last minute job
I want good to perfect job

Thank u to let me survive today.

March 22

I seriously believe that
I was having a good day
before I get into the car accident.
My car was suddenly crashed by another car
heavily when I stop by a junction
My spinal cord and neck receive most of the momentum
till I keep on feeling my head heavily
since 2pm till now 11pm

Luckily
I am fine
after seeing doctor.

Pray hard for myself that I can come out with my first draft.

Thanks for the companion, mum.

March 21

Time passes so fast.
I couldn't imagine how far I've been left out from it.
All I can do is just keep myself working and working.

Yesterday,
I was having lots to jot down here
but
I did not.
Now, I only realized,
I need to do it when I am having it
if not,
I couldn't remember
Like now,
I remember nothing which I wanna write it here
Let me slowly recall back...

Yup,
I got it!
I hate inconsistent!
When I was done with my part of group assignment
one of my group member told us that
we did it wrong again!!!
Yes! It's again!!
Thanks to the inconsistent lecturer
who has not given a clear guide
on what we should do for the assignment.
I shall never have such mistake as her!!!
& now I understand why people do not like inconsistent.

Second,
I feel sorry for my mum.
my life now do nothing
only focus on my study,
yet I did not do well on it.
So shame!
Mum works very hard
without asking for my help.
I should be considerate,
at least do well in my study.
Sorry mum.

Third,
I use up a long time
to get out from home
and go for dancing class.
Do I still can proceed on this journey?
I wonder.

TODAY
I woke up by few calls
few ridiculous calls
and it was ended by my sms
indicated that the next call/sms will brought him
to a police report.

I was having extra credit presentation in my group
I was too careless that I did not bring along my pendrive
It took me a long journey to get it printed
after downloaded from fb
which cannot be assessed in the college computer.
Luckily
my friend who works at marketing department helped me.
I am so blessed on this.

Continue the sense of guilt from yesterday
I really want to do something for the family
I am sad to see mum work until neglected her meal
Noway for this!!!

I need some time to fix this

Thanks mum for all
thanks god for the challenge and help.

I want to change!

March 17

St. Patrick day
What exactly is this?
I have no idea
Just know that it's a day to drink.
LOL

I am having a huge ulcer near my throat
I should now have no appetite for meal
In fact,
I ate a lot today.
My family and I
were having home made sushi as lunch
I had a lot.
Then dinner time I steamed a fish
on Thai style.
It was really nice
and I could not stop eating it.

What happened to my appetite?
Is that good or bad?

Anyhow,
I need to rest
and wake up early tomorrow.
to do my assignments
to be sent to my GM tomorrow.
Stop procrastinating.

Thanks Mum for the meal!
Thanks all~

March 16 II

My mind is more manageable now
So
Suddenly a thought came and struck me.
Obviously
I am craving for love.
Not from family,
it's from the intimate relationship between a girl and a boy.
However,
it seems hard for me,
because
I have not really let go the pain
from her leaving.

I admit that I am too fragile to be hurt
and
I think that is the reason
I couldn't get into a relationship now.

Smiles on my face
is hardly visible

Would getting into a relationship make me better?
I shall think of it.

March 16

I guess
I shall not stop writing this
and shall never stop doing reflection
(At least, I know where had I done wrong)

My deadlines are all coming to me
on next week.
This moment,
sitting in front of my lappy,
has no motivation to do even a single thing.
Finally I realized what is meant by learned helplessness.

Anyone could make me do my work?
Everyone told me that I am doing well
but Why couldn't me feel so?
I can only let you know that
I've lost my mind
I seems like a zombie,
moving without consciousness.

Though I am not so into horoscope,
but this time I want to interpret me in such way.
It's sad for a Sagittarius to lost his/her passion in life.
WHO CAN HELP ME FIND BACK MY LIFE?

The worst thing for today is
I am having a big ulcer
which led to no appetite to food,
my only way to make me feel better.

God bless.
I shall have a fixed religion,
maybe it can help me gone through this hard time.
I'll try to be positive!
More and more positive.

Thanks to all who willing to give me chances.
 

March 1-4

Time flies.

At first
I was thinking update this few days later
but I failed
I always failed in organizing my time well
ever since
I experience the bottom of my life.

"Fight or flight"
I chose flight.
I am experiencing a terrible life stress
which is making my body and mind maladaptive.
I can't really resist little stress on me.
Even sometimes I got a serious body pain, or sick
just because I am too stress.

March 1, Thursday

This day was a busy day for me
but I feel excited
because I am going for Redang trip tonight.

After class by 5pm,
I rushed home
Before reaching home,
I passed my textbook to my friend
I online to deliver an important message to my team
then packed up and had something filled in my stomach
before I went to take commuter to MidValley
where my friend would pick me up to join the trip

Had my long night in the bus.
It was freezing cold.

March 2, Friday

The bus stopped at few station
to let us go to wash-room.
We had our breakfast in the dawn
and went to the jetty
to hop on the boat to the island

The wave was huge
and I feel great to have the nice natural surrounding
It's so cool that I can get to the beach
after such a long time never visit any beach

After lunch
we had one snorkelling session
Unfortunately
it was raining
The worst case was
after the session
when we went back to our hotel room
our boat was jammed
due to some technical problems
We were all floating on the sea
which made us all nausea
and had a terrible memories

I was experiencing a serious cold
luckily
a friend brought in a bottle of wine
After consumed some wine
my body became better

Got a chance to talk to a newly know friend
for 2 hours
when I was going to sleep that time.
Slept after that with the nice breeze.

March 3, Saturday

A friend's birthday

Early in the morning
I planned to wake up early for sunrise
but it was raining heavily
Then when about breakfast time
I went to the canteen and met others
The birthday boy came and ask me
"Louise, you must have something to tell me right?"
I knew it was his birthday
but I never know that question was to gain my birthday wish
So after few attempt,
I only know that was what he wanted.

Joined another snorkelling trip
So dizzy.
After this
I just went for a nice bath and then
lunch before a long nap.
Sleep again...

Night
went to a room of guys
watching movie and had some wine with them
Actually I do not mind I was the only girl
but I really scared how people perceive me
Initially planned to have a whole body massage
but booking full.
Have some nice photographs
and nice walk along the beach.
How cool if I can meet my mr. right over there.
So romantic.

After two drinks
all the guys were tired
I just went to join other friends
I was so lucky to see
a drunk friend doing some funny things in the public
No doubt, I had a great night.

March 4, Sunday

After praying hard last night
I had my wish come true
which is
no raining in the morning
However
I still couldn't see the sunrise
of the heavy cloud!
Nice to walk on the sandy beach
listening to the wave though

Left the island without bringing anything
just with the nice memories
with that bunch of friends

Having few stops on the way home
stop for local products, souvenirs, lunch and dinner
Reach home about midnight.

thanks to all who gave me such a wonderful memories! <3

March 12

I am admitting that
MY ATTITUDE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

I feel so tired,
yet fed up.
I have lost my passion
and my direction
I feel that I am nothing now.

How am I going to resolve this?
I hate this me.
I wanna get out from this
Why it's just so hard?
TT

I know she never wants to see me like this
but I just couldn't control my emotions

I want to stand up now.
It's been a long time I walk through this
It'd dragged me a year plus
It's enough
I must stand up and beat it
the emotions
which influence my attitudes toward life.

Come on, Louise
 This is just a little challenge that you ever face
Remember how you endure some big challenges last time?
Remember how was your attitude last time?
I am having strong faith on you
that you can!
You are nobody else
but solely yourself!
The strong, tough, determined, and resilient person
Keep going!

Thanks to friends who are still staying with me,
bearing my worst attitudes.
Thanks mum for keep on encouraging me
on the journey of healing.

March 5

I gotta accept all this
No blaming on others
And I really willing accept this fact

I did not prepared well for my exam today,
Basically I've failed my exam today
I have little upset
But this is expected.

I shall work very hard now.
At least I want to pass it!

Thanks to this little challenge!